The Lifespan of a Love Affair
by Random1377
Summary: A dark romance.  MistaoXShinji.  Rated R for strong language and open discussions of sex.  Complete
1. Week 1: Starting Something

Disclaimer: the rights to the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion are owned exclusively by Studio Gainax animation.  I claim no rights to their characters or concepts, and will remove this story from the web should they request it.  Also, this is an R-rated story.  It contains graphic language and deals very openly with sexual situations.  Please do not read if this subject matter offends you.  Thanks.

The Lifespan of a Love Affair

By Random1377

Week 1:  Starting Something.

Shinji Ikari yawned as he slid the door to his Lovely Suite closed behind him and started towards the kitchen.  Since it was a Saturday, and he did not have any scheduled tests at NERV, he had come straight home from school and slipped thankfully into bed.  Sleep had become somewhat of a valuable commodity to him since the encounter with the Jet Alone robot. Between school, tests, and worrying about being responsible for others – an entirely new concept for the boy – he would have estimated his average nightly sleep at around six hours or so.  He had read once that nine and a half hours was supposed to be the target for a boy his age, but he simply did not see it happening.

He just thanked his lucky stars for Saturday naps.

Coming into the kitchen, he yawned again.  "Hi Misato," he said, covering his mouth with his right hand.

Misato Katsuragi, Shinji's guardian and immediate supervisor, waved to him with her left hand.  Waving with her right would have been difficult, Shinji decided, since it was currently in the process of upending a can of beer.  "Hey Shinji," the woman replied when she had finally finished.  "Sleep well?"

Shinji shrugged.  "Yeah," he said absently, "wouldn't mind another couple hours… but I couldn't stay asleep."

"I hate that," Misato said quietly, "you're tired, you don't have anything else better to do, you _want_ to sleep… but you just can't…"

The boy nodded, leaning back against one of the counters.  "It's ok," he told her, "I'll just do some laundry or something and start dinner early, so… yeah…"

"Yeah…" Misato echoed, idly making patterns in a small pool of spilt beer.

Shinji watched in silence as the woman continued drawing in the liquid, a small frown coming over his features as he slowly became more aware of how she looked.  In his opinion, in all honesty, Misato looked horrible.  Her face seemed haggard and glum, which was somewhat shocking when he paused to think about it.  In his experience, her expression was always smiling, teasing, or determined.  He could not recall her being sad before. Another thing that was beginning to concern him was that her hair was disheveled.  Always before, the Captain's long, lavender hair seemed flowing and vibrant.  That day, though, it just seemed lackluster and dull.

Overall, he decided… Misato looked like hell.

"Did you get all your homework done?" Misato asked suddenly.

_I can't blame him for staring,_ she thought tiredly as the boy confirmed that his studies were up to date, _I probably look like shit right now._

Another silence fell as the woman opened another can of beer.

"Shinji," she whispered finally, setting the can down after one sip and leaning back in her chair, "you know I was on a date, right?"

Shinji nodded.  "Yeah," he said quietly, "you didn't tell me, but I kinda thought that's why you were dressed up."

_Guess I wasn't too subtle,_ Misato thought, nodding and taking another drink, _not that I should have to hide things from Shinji, of all people, but…_ she frowned as her thought trailed off.  _If it's not a secret,_ she thought uneasily, _why didn't you just tell him?_

"Did you have fun?" Shinji asked.

Misato closed her eyes, forcing herself not to reply with, 'Yeah, for about twenty minutes.'  

"I've had better times, Shinji," she murmured, upending the can and slamming it back on the table.  "Let's leave it at that."

"Umm… ok… sorry."

Misato shook herself.  "It's not your fault," she sighed.  "I just…"  She leaned back in her chair, laying her hands backwards across her forehead and gazing at the boy.  "In all honesty, I don't date that much… and I'm having a little trouble figuring out what guys want from me."

"Oh," Shinji nodded.  "I see."

"I mean, really," the woman went on, "I don't get it.  I try to be fun, I try to be…" she hesitated only a moment before pressing forward, "sexy, and just when I think I've figured out what a guy wants," she averted her eyes, lowering her voice to a whisper, "and give it to him… it all just falls apart."

Feeling out of his depth, and oddly embarrassed, Shinji nodded.

"Am I so hideous that they can't stand to be near me?" Misato whispered, toying with the cans and staring off into space.  "Or do they see me as just an easy lay – the kind of girl that's good for a fuck, but not worth keeping around the morning after?"

Shinji gaped at her, wondering if she was even aware of what she had said.  "I, umm… don't… don't know…" he managed finally.

"What about you, Shinji?" Misato asked softly, arranging the empty cans in a triangle and setting the napkin on top before leaning back and folding her arms over her breasts.  "What do you want?"

"From… from you?" Shinji asked uncertainly, "You mean… do I want to be _with_ you??"

For the first time in their relationship, Misato blushed.  "That's not _quite_ what I meant," she said awkwardly, absently rubbing her upper arms with her palms.

"I don't understand…"

Misato leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her palms.  "I guess I'm asking if you would ever want someone _like_ me," she murmured.  "I'm sorry, I shouldn't weigh you down with my personal affairs, I'm just… I'm just feeling kinda like no one wants me, you know?  The last…" she took a deep breath, her voice lowering to a bare whisper, "the last three guys I've slept with have dumped me – one of them practically the second he pulled out."

Shinji paled.

Misato looked up, catching his expression, and chuckled.  "I don't envy you," she said quietly, "since you live with me, you see me like no one else does.  You get stuck listening to my dirty mouth, you have to clean up after my messes, and you have to hear all about my pathetic sex life."  She closed her eyes, slowly lowering her head to the table as her voice cracked.  "How do you stand it, Shinji?" she asked unevenly, "You're the only guy that puts up with all this shit from me… how do you stand it?  You know you can leave any time… so how come you've stayed with me so long?"

_Of course,_ she thought tiredly, lifting her head to fold her arms under it, _you can't answer that, can you?  Running away isn't always physical, is it?  No… you can run away just by saying nothing, can't you Shinji._

She frowned as she felt a light, tentative touch on the top of her head.  Opening her eyes, she looked up… and found Shinji gently stroking her hair, his eyes focused on the far side of the room and a look bordering on absolute terror on his face.  Misato felt her eyes growing damp as the boy tried his best to sooth her, too scared, it seemed, to even look at her as he did it.

Slowly, she rose, smiling reassuringly as Shinji quickly reclaimed his hand and took a step back.  "Do you… wanna get some dinner?" she asked softly, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder.

As he blinked, confused by the sudden change of topic, Misato's mind went into an uproar.  _Stop that!_ her thoughts demanded, _Don't look at him that way – he's not for you!_

Shinji's mind must have been operating along the same lines, because he seemed to pale even further.  But in spite of the expression on his face, he managed to give her a weak smile.

"I'd… I'd like that…"

_Oh now what?_ Misato thought, her smile slowly collapsing, _He thinks you want to date him!  And he's interested!!  What now, genius?_

Slowly, the boy stepped past her, lowering his eyes.

"Wait…"

Shinji instinctively flinched.  "Y-yes?" he replied, fully expecting her to retract the offer.

Misato was silent for a minute as she tried desperately to sort out her tumultuous feelings.  "Dress nice," she whispered, finally squelching the internal argument.  "I want to take you someplace special."

"Yes ma'am."

**

Darkness defined the apartment, shrouding everything in shades of sepia and ochre.  The entire space held a baited feeling, as if the air was charged with expectation and premonition.  Everything seemed to be on hold – waiting for the two human residents to arrive and reveal if tomorrow would bring change… or a return to the static, day-in-day-out routine of the past three months.

It was seventeen minutes past ten o'clock when the silence was parted, the sound of a key sliding into a lock disturbing the stillness with an oddly hesitant rattle.

"We're home," Misato called softly, sliding the door carefully open, "PenPen?"

"He's probably asleep," Shinji pointed out quietly.  "It's kinda late."

"Well," the woman replied, shrugging and stepping into the apartment, "he's kind of a nightowl."  She grinned as she slipped off her heels.  "Or, nightpenguin, I guess."

Shinji chuckled weakly, sliding his shoes off and following her into the kitchen.  

"You want a drink?" she asked, opening the refrigerator and pulling out two cans of juice.

"Sure."

Misato handed him one of the cans and leaned back on the counter, assessing him.  She smiled.  "When did you get that shirt?" she asked softly, popping the top on her drink.  "It looks great on you."

Shinji regarded his can for a moment, shifting his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other and trying not to stare at the woman's modestly cut, but formfitting, midnight blue evening dress.  "We had a dance at school right before… father called me here," he said uneasily, pulling slightly at the neck of the black longsleeve he was wearing.  "I bought it for that."

Misato nodded, setting her drink down.  "Did you go, Shinji?" she asked warmly.  She smiled soothingly as he shook his head.  "Well," she told him slowly, "it looks good on you, Shinji, and I have to say… I had a really good time with you tonight."

"Really?" Shinji asked before he could stop himself.

"Uh huh," Misato confirmed.  "It's been a while since I've had a quiet dinner with a guy.  It was nice."

"Oh," the boy replied noncommittally.

"It's kinda strange," Misato said thoughtfully, "I'm usually not that… I don't know, polite on a date."  She shrugged.  "Either I like a guy, and I make sure he knows it, or I don't… and I make sure he knows it."  She smiled as the boy shifted from one foot to the other.  "I didn't feel like that with you, Shinji," she murmured softly, "it was like a tenth date with you – I could be myself and not have to worry that I might be leading someone on."

Shinji nodded, sighing softly as he came to a conclusion.  _Lead me on,_ he thought, nodding again, _she doesn't want to lead me on, she was being herself… so she doesn't want to do more than-_

"Shinji?"

Shinji blinked, looking up into Misato's deep brown eyes.  "Hmm?"

"Did you have fun tonight?" she asked quietly.

A small, almost guilty smile appeared at the corners of the boy's lips.  "Yeah," he murmured, "I had a great time, Misato."  His smile wavered into uncertainty as she reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you want to do it again some time?" Misato whispered, moving her hand up to cover his cheek.  She met his eyes straight on, banishing all doubt.  "Do you want to go out with me, Shinji?  Kinda… see what happens?"

Shinji swallowed.  "Is that… ok?" he managed.

Misato stepped closer to him, shaking her head.  "No," she told him calmly, "not really.  I'm twice your age… it would be going against NERV guidelines, and probably your father's wishes… and we absolutely, positively, could _not_ tell _anyone_ about it…"  She leaned forward.  "So… do you?"

Nodding before he could even think, the boy stammered, "Why would you… want to?"

Sighing, Misato shook her head.  "I can't tell you right now," she told him bluntly, "I don't think you would understand…"

Shinji found that he had no reply for this.  _Will you throw me away when you're done?_ he thought with sudden, sharp bitterness.

"So," Misato said lightly, drawing his attention back to her, "since this was a date – our first date… I guess… you deserve a goodnight kiss."  As Shinji's eyes bugged out, she added, "Close your eyes."

Clenching his eyes closed, Shinji forced himself to remain calm.

"Ready?"

He nodded emphatically, his hands becoming nervous fists at his sides.

Misato grinned, leaning forward and pressing her lips against his cheek.  "Thank you for a lovely evening, Shinji," she whispered, kissing him again, "sweet dreams."

Shinji's cheeks were burning as he opened his eyes, putting his hand over the place she had kissed with a look of wonder on his face and watching as she walked towards her room.  "N-night…" he replied.

And so ended the first date between Shinji Ikari and Misato Katsuragi.

Continued…

Author's notes: What is Misato's reason?  How will this new relationship be affected by the arrival of the Second Child?  With all that influences Shinji and Misato's lives, when will there be time for a second date?  With all that influences Shinji and Misato's lives, _should_ there be a second date…?  Answers to some of these questions will be revealed in the next chapter – Making Assumptions.  Coming soon.

I chose not to have a pre-reader for this chapter, since I wanted to have a totally unbiased release.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	2. Week 2: Making Assumptions

Disclaimer: see part 1.

The Lifespan of a Love Affair

By Random1377

Week 2: Making Assumptions.

Shinji glanced out the window of the helicopter, frowning uneasily at the shimmering sea beneath.  "And… how much longer until we get there?" he asked, pulling his head back and swallowing with a bit of difficulty.

'There,' was the aircraft carrier _Over the Rainbow_, where Shinji and Misato were to meet the Second Child, Asuka Langley Souryu.

"Don't be such a wuss," Shinji's friend, Touji Suzuhara grumped.  "I swear, you've done nothing but bitch since we got off the ground!  Right 'Suke?"

Kensuke Aida, Shinji's other friend, continued staring out the window, a minimum of ninety percent of his attention focused on the task of filming one of the other helicopters.  "Yeah," he muttered, "bitch…"

Touji sighed.  "Hey Kensuke," he said quietly, shaking his head, "I heard you're gay… that true?"

Shinji could not repress a grin as the other boy muttered, "Yeah… gay…"

He craned his head, trying to catch a glimpse of Misato, but since her seat was directly behind him and facing the opposite direction he could not see her.  He sighed, closing his eyes so he would not have to see the vast expanse of water below him and bringing his mind back to think about the one date he'd shared with the woman.

It was strange, the next morning, but Misato seemed not to remember the date at all.  Or rather, she did not mention it over breakfast, or when Shinji got home and started his homework, or when he came into the living room to wish her a goodnight.  In fact, the only reason Shinji was sure he had not dreamed everything that first day was when Misato gestured him over.

'What is it?' he had asked.

'Give me your hand,' Misato had replied.

Shinji had done as he was told, feeling a pleasant shiver work down his spine as Misato took his hand… and simply held it for a minute, stroking the back of it with her fingers absently as she continued to write in her reports.  After a few moments of this, she let him go.

'That's all I needed,' she said quietly, smiling as she leaned back in her chair and stretched.  'Night.'

And that was all that was spoken on the subject.  Shinji did not want to ask if there were to be more dates, and Misato did not seem to want to volunteer that information, so they simply… lived.  They still interacted the same way, for the most part, but Shinji began to notice slight changes in her behavior, mostly centered around (oddly enough) her clothes.  After their date, he noticed that the loose-fitting tops and tight shorts she usually wore were gone, replaced by a pair of purple, satiny pajamas.  He had almost asked her why she had switched, but he found that he could not quite manage it.

He also found, when he was doing the laundry, that Misato had purchased several very large towels – easily big enough to cover both of them… but again, she never said a word about it.

"We're almost there," Misato's voice announced over the helicopter's speaker system, pulling him away from his ruminations.

Shinji opened his eyes, closing them almost immediately as he found the chopper tilting further forward.

"Hey."

He blinked, trying to turn in his seat as Misato's voice whispered behind him.

"No," she said quickly, "don't turn around… just keep looking forward."

Shinji did as he was told, his eyes widening as he felt a soft, smooth hand sliding into his.

"Can we talk when we land?" Misato whispered.

Shinji nodded, then, remembering she could not see him, answered, "Yeah… about what?"

Her voice became light and teasing, her reply dispelling his concern that it might be the bad version of, 'we have to talk.'

"About another Saturday night… I'm off this weekend…"

Shinji smiled as she squeezed his hand.

"What are you so happy about?" Touji asked darkly, only barely resisting the urge to kick the nerdier of his two friends.

Feeling Misato's hand leave his, Shinji shrugged.  "We're there."

Forty minutes later, his smile was long gone.

**

"So you're the Third."

Shinji nodded, ignoring the fact that this was the third _time_ the redhead had asked him to confirm this fact.

"You don't look that impressive to me," Asuka observed, glancing down the halls to get her bearings.

"Oh," Shinji responded.

"Come on," the girl muttered, leading him towards another door.

Shinji let himself be dragged along, trying not to let his head spin too much.  He was still a touch dazed by the comments of Asuka's current guardian, Ryouji Kaji, and felt somehow betrayed by Misato.  He knew that this was an irrational response.  After all, she _was_ human – and they had started 'dating' after she told him about how dismal her sex life felt, but Kaji… intimidated Shinji.  He was handsome, charming, funny… and he had already been with Misato.

He had hoped, when Kaji oh-so-offhandedly asked if Misato was still wild in bed, that he had been joking.  One look at the Captain's downcast, flushed face, though, told him that this was not the case at all.  He sighed as Asuka pushed one last door open, deciding then and there that he had no chance against a guy like Kaji.

None.

"Here it is!" Asuka declared.

Shinji blinked, looking up as the redhead pulled the tarp back from a huge, prone shape.  "I didn't know it was red," he commented lamely, not knowing what else to say.

"That's not the only improvement," Asuka said grandly, "My Unit 02 is the first EVA designed specifically for combat."  She grinned, tossing her hair over her right shoulder.  "It's a sign of how outdated Unit 01 is that an untrained pilot like you was able to sync with it.  It's no wonder it went berserk…  Unit 02 is far more stable."

Asuka was on the verge of regaling him with her fine mecha's other outstanding features when a dull boom made the ship tremble.

"That sounded like an explosion," Shinji gasped.

The two teens nodded to one another, then dashed through the door and up the stairs, making it to the rail of the ship in record time.  "Is that an angel?" Asuka breathed.  A slow, crafty smile spread across her features as she glanced over her shoulder to the still-open door leading to Unit 02.  "This is my chance," she whispered.

Shinji yelped as the redhead grabbed his hand, yanking him along with her.  "Where are we going??" he protested belatedly.

"What are you, stupid?" the girl shot back.  "We're going to fight."

"We are?"

"We are!"

Though he tried to convince the Second Child that starting Unit 02 was a bad idea, he could not dissuade her.  Ultimately, he gave up.  "I hope Misato's not _too_, mad," he muttered as he climbed into the plug with the redhead.

"We'll get her permission after we've killed the angel," Asuka told him smugly, "now get ready to see some real piloting."

Shinji closed his eyes.

_Guess this means I won't get to talk to Misato about that date now…_

**

Misato slowly opened the door to the apartment, allowing Shinji to precede her in.  The conversation she was meaning to have on the aircraft carrier had never quite materialized, a combination of factors keeping them apart until the (silent) drive from NERV.

Kaji… Kaji was back in her life.

"You're awful quiet," she observed as Shinji slipped off his shoes.  She sighed as the boy gave her his patented reply.

"Sorry."

_Damn it, Kaji!_ she thought angrily, _It's always just fun and games, isn't it?  He did NOT need to hear that from you!  God, you might as well have just screamed, 'Do you know how she likes to be fucked? I do.'_

"I'm gonna go to bed," Shinji mumbled.  "Night."

"Stop."

Shinji looked up from where he had been studying the floor.  "What is it?" he asked wearily.

Misato pointed to one of the chairs in the kitchen.  "Have a seat, Shinji," she instructed, waiting until the boy did what he was told before murmuring, "Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not… mad," Shinji replied.

Misato put her hands on his shoulders.  "Then why are you clenching up like this?" she asked, gently kneading his shoulders.  "If you're mad at me," she told him firmly, "say so.  Don't run away, Shinji – not from me… I deserve better than that."

Shinji flinched at the hard, businesslike tone in the woman's voice.  "I'm not mad," he repeated softly, "I just…"

"Just what?"

"I can move out," the boy said miserably, "if you want to be with Kaj-"

"Stop!" Misato exploded, "You stop that right now!"  She took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.  "You're old enough," she told him coldly, "to know that people don't always get back together just because they used to have a thing together.  God, don't tell me you're _that_ insecure!"  She felt some of her anger bleeding away as the boy's shoulders slumped under her hands.  "You are, aren't you…" she said pityingly.

"I can't help it," Shinji returned.  "He's… I'm…" he shook his head slowly, finding Misato's reflection in the door of the microwave.  "I'm not like him…"

Misato slid her hands down over his chest.  "Maybe that's why I wanted to try this," she said quietly.

Awkwardly, Shinji turned in his chair, looking up to her face and trying to see if she was telling the truth.

"Maybe this was a mistake," the woman sighed, slowly pulling her hands away.  "I like spending time with you, Shinji, but if you can't even trust me not to jump into bed with a guy I _used_ to be close to, then I don't know if we should try this anymore."

Shinji blushed.  "You used to be his girlfriend…" he pointed out.

"That was a long time ago, Shinji," Misato said quietly.

Shinji nodded, biting his bottom lip pensively.

Slowly, Misato knelt by his chair, making sure she had his attention.  "Listen," she said firmly, "Kaji was my first boyfriend, and yes – I did a lot of… stuff with him," she put a hand on Shinji's cheek, leading his eyes back to hers as he looked away.  "Tell me now," she said flatly, "do you want to try this or not, Shinji?  I can't worry about you freaking out every time some guy looks at me or says something crude."

"I'm sorry," Shinji swallowed.  "I still want to try, if you do…"

"Alright," Misato nodded.  "Then we'll go out again on Saturday."

"Misato?"

"Hmm?"

Shinji slowly stood, scratching the back of his neck.  "It's nothing, really," he said tiredly.

"Tell me," Misato encouraged him, rising herself.  "It can't be worse than what you know about me now."

Shinji blushed.  "Well," he said slowly, "does this mean… _I'm_ your boyfriend?"

"Do you want to be?" Misato grinned.  "What's the difference between a boyfriend and someone you just date sometimes?"

"I don't know," Shinji admitted, "I guess the difference is whether you kiss or not… maybe… I don't know, really, I-

His eyes widened as Misato suddenly leaned into his personal space and brushed her lips against his. "There," she whispered, "guess now you're my boyfriend." 

The look on the boy's face was so comical that Misato had to grin.

"See you in the morning," she said gently, reaching up and caressing his cheek one more time before slipping off to her room.

Continued…

Author's notes:  Now that Misato and Shinji are 'dating,' will they be able to find happiness?  What about Kaji and Misato's old affair?  Is that truly forgotten?  Is any love ever truly forgotten?  And what about Asuka?  When Shinji is forced to train side by side with the fiery German, will he be able to keep his attraction to the woman he lives with a secret?

Find out in part 3: Telling Lies.

Pre-read was incomplete at the time of posting.  Another version _might_ replace this one, if the pre-read comes back with too many errors.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	3. Week 3: Telling Lies

Disclaimer: see part 1.

The Lifespan of a Love Affair

By Random1377

Week 3: Telling Lies

"Something wrong with Shinji?" Misato ask, doing her best to look quizzical.  "What do you mean?"

Ritsuko Akagi, the head of Project-E, nodded.  "You know what I mean," she said conspiratorially, "He's been pretty upbeat lately.  Thought maybe you might know if something was going on."

Misato tried to keep cool.  "Can't think of anything," she said lightly, picking up one of the cat figurines on the other woman's desk and setting it back down.  "What do you think it is?  Should I be worried?"

She kept her smile firmly in place.  _He's not that different,_ she thought with a trace of anger, _how can she tell??_

It had been three days since her second date with Shinji (dinner again, with another, barely-there kiss at the close of the evening) and so far, the boy had not told a soul, as near as Misato could tell.  Her smile became a touch more genuine as she thought of the boy's timid request to hold her hand for a minute before bed.

_That first time must have really made an impression,_ she thought happily, _I just need to keep it at this level…_

"I thought he might have a girlfriend or something."

Misato kept her voice smooth.  "Girlfriend?" she asked innocently.

"Uh huh," the blonde nodded.  "I see that kid every day – and I can tell you that he's just thaaaaat much more confident," she held her thumb and forefinger apart, squinting at the gap between them for emphasis.

"Well," Misato began carefully, "that could just be because he's getting more comfortable with EVA, and-"

"He smiled at me, too."

"He what??"

"I thought that would get your attention," Ritsuko chuckled.  "Yeah, it was kind of funny," she said thoughtfully, "he was passing me in the hall, and I swear – I swear – he looked me up and down, and smiled at me." she snapped her fingers. "Just like that."

Misato almost fell for it.  She could feel her anger rising at Shinji for being so deceptive as to make her feel bad for a relationship that was long since over… all while looking at another woman. _I should go talk to my 'boyfriend,' _she thought, almost rising to her feet, _yeah, we're just trying this out, but that little innocent, wide-eyed boy routine won't… _ her thought trailed off.

It was the small smile on the doctor's face that saved her from embarrassment.

"So," Misato murmured, "you gonna go for it?"

"What?" Ritsuko replied, finding her carefully laid trap collapsing in front of her eyes.

"You heard me," Misato said levelly, "did you smile back, Ritsu?  Should I let you have the apartment for the weekend so you two can be alone?"  She lowered her voice, leaning forward even as the doctor leaned back, a slightly stunned expression on her face.  "You can borrow the black lace teddy," she told her conspiratorially, "but try not to let him come on it, k?  It cost me-"

"You're sick!" the blond cut in disgustedly.  "Shit… take a little joke like Shinji hitting on a grown woman and turn it into some fuck fantasy." She rolled her eyes.  "Classic Misato."

_Yeah,_ the other woman thought grimly, _classic…_

"Look," Ritsuko said dryly, "he does seem a little more… easygoing lately.  Shouldn't you, as his guardian, try to find out what's going on?"

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Misato made a choice.  "Ok," she said reluctantly, "he didn't want anyone to know, and you can't tell anyone else… but Shinji's dating a girl."

"I knew it!" Ritsuko cried, pointing at the purple-haired woman.  "I knew there was something different."  She grinned, leaning closer.  "So tell me!"

"Tell you?" Misato echoed, feeling a touch sick.

"Yeah, have you met her yet?" the blonde asked. "What kind of girl would date someone as introverted as Shinji?"

"Well," Misato shrugged, "she's a little older…"

_Yeah,_ she thought, _a little._

"Eh, that's no big deal," Ritsuko said dismissively.  "But why Shinji?  I mean, sure dating an older girl is all fine and dandy, but why would _she_ want to date _him_?"

"I think…" Misato said carefully, "that she… used to sleep around – but that she's trying to get back to being a good person."  She averted her gaze froze the Project-E director's shrewd stare.  "Maybe she sees Shinji as a little better than the guys she's slept with, maybe even… a little bit better than her.  Maybe she thinks that, by dating Shinji, she can find something she's been missing."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes.  "Oh please, people like that don't change," she said firmly, "once a slut, always a slut, Misato.  If she's really like that, he should dump her… otherwise one of two things is going to happen."

"What two things?" Misato asked, feeling a slight flush on her cheeks.

Ritsuko held up a finger.  "She'll fuck him," she said quietly, holding up a second finger, "or she'll fuck someone else and break his heart."

"Why do you think that?" the other woman whispered.

"Oh come on," Ritsuko said sarcastically, "women like that can _only_ relate to others through sex – so she'll start to get antsy… feel a little… mmm… lonely – like she's missing something… and she'll want to get laid, so she can feel like she's alive again."  She shrugged.  "Trust me," she said confidently, "to a woman like that, sex is like a drug: she'll treat him like a substitute for a while until she can't resist the craving anymore, then… she'll score.  With him, or with the closest willing male."

"Drug users can go to rehab," Misato pointed out with a weak laugh.

_I'm not like that,_ she thought, feeling rather scared, _I can… relate to others without wanting to – I can be with him, I can!  And I think… this is good for him.  That's one of the reasons I started this…_ she nodded to herself, _one of them…_

"Sure Misato," the blonde was saying sympathetically, "just keep your eyes on her, and remember what I said.  Because if Shinji, as timid as he is now, gets dumped like that… it'll be _really_ hard to come back from."

Misato considered this for a moment before getting to her feet.  "I've gotta go," she said quietly, "see ya."

"Later," Ritsuko shrugged.

Misato strode quickly through the halls of NERV, her long hair streaming out behind her as her thoughts raced.  Shinji _was_ better than her, she knew.  He was good, honest, and gentle – nothing like the guys she had dated in the past.  Even Kaji, with his gentle smile and dazzling eyes, had a dark side – she knew that better than anyone else.  

Ritsuko's scenario, though… no, she would not allow that to happen.  She would not let Shinji get hurt because of something she did – with him or with another man.

_Because…_ she thought, stepping into an elevator and slamming the button for the top floor, _because I'm not like that…_

She raised her face to the ceiling, closing her eyes and envisioning Shinji's timid smile.

"I'm not…"

**

Shinji stared at the wall, running over the events of the last week in his mind.  _First she came to school,_ he thought dejectedly, not even noticing when his SDAT switched from track 25 to 26, _then__ we fought the angel – and lost… now we have to be perfectly synchronized.  And I haven't even gotten to see Misato for five minutes alone…_

He rolled onto his back, trying not to remember the brief, tantalizing glance Asuka had provided him earlier in the evening.

_The wall of __Jericho__, huh?_ he thought pensively as his mind insisted on replaying the image of Asuka, on all fours, slamming the door to the other room after warning him not to come near her.

He was just trying to bring his mind back to focus on Misato, reminding himself that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, when the door slid open.  Immediately, he turned off his SDAT and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep as the girl made her way slowly across the room.  The sound of the toilet flushing reached him a moment later, followed by the bathroom door opening and quiet, still-unsure footsteps moving across the floor.

A brief whisper of sound and a disturbance in the air forced Shinji to open his eyes, and it was only out of sheer willpower that he was able to keep himself from gasping.

Asuka was lying on the futon next to him, her breathing already slowing and evening back out.

"A-Asuka?" Shinji stammered, pulling his eyes away from the redhead's tantalizing cleavage (which had somehow ended up inches from his nose) and looking up into her face.  "Are you awake, Asuka?  You're… ummm… not in your bed…"

The girl shifted slightly, but did not reply, her face momentarily falling into a frown before smoothing out once more.

For a moment, nothing happened.  Shinji lay still, mesmerized by the girl's slightly parted lips and smooth, glowing skin. 

_I wonder if she tastes like Misato,_ he thought suddenly.  Slowly, he leaned closer, sweating lightly as his pulse pounded in his ears.  _Just once,_ he promised himself, breathlessly drawing nearer to the girl, _just to see… if it's the same…_

His lips were almost touching hers when a soft, childish whisper filled the night.

"Ma… ma…"

Thirty seconds later, Shinji was lying on Asuka's futon, his knuckles white as they clenched the covers tightly.  "You're just a child yourself," he whispered, trembling with shame as he thought of how close he had been.

He could almost hear Misato's voice in his mind, murmuring, 'If you can't even trust me not to jump in bed with a guy I _used_ to be close to…'

_I don't even have that as an excuse,_ he thought, rolling onto his back as Asuka murmured something in her sleep.  _Ok,_ he thought decisively, _if I'm going to be Misato's boyfriend… I can't even think of other girls.  How can we make this work if I won't even try?_

Closing his eyes, the Third Child forced himself to relax, trying his best to think only of the upcoming battle.

At four AM, when Misato slipped into the living room to check on the teens, she had to smile at how peaceful they looked.  As she turned to leave, however, she felt her heart stop as Shinji softly whispered.

"Misato…"

Slowly, she glanced back over her shoulder.  "You're awake?" she murmured.

Shinji's eyes seemed to be glistening in the dim light coming in the window.  "I wanted to see you," he said quietly, glancing at Asuka briefly to make sure she was sleeping before concluding, "I missed you today…"

Misato smiled.  "I kinda missed you too," she admitted, "but you really need to go to sleep, Shinji… tomorrow's going to be a big day."

Shinji nodded, wetting his lips and taking a deep breath, fully intending to tell her about Asuka… but instead, he sighed.  "Night," he whispered, rolling onto his side so that she would not see the guilt in his eyes.

The captain stole a glance at the Second Child, pursing her lips as she tried to determine if the girl was truly asleep.  _You really have grown,_ she thought uneasily, _when Kaji gave me that music… he told me how you've been trying to get him to notice you._  She shook her head, looking back to Shinji.  _Wouldn't it be easy,_ she mused, _if I fell for Kaji again, and you fell for Shinji?  Then everyone would be happy, right?  I don't think Ritsuko's right, but maybe…_

She sighed.  "What am I thinking?" she whispered to herself, leaning up against the wall and looking from one Child to the other, "we tried it once, didn't we?  I couldn't make it work… I was the one that ran away – I admit that – but what about now?  Maybe if-"

"Misato?"

She jumped slightly, not expecting to hear anything but her own, quiet musings.  "Shinji?" she replied hesitantly.  _I wasn't talking loud enough for him to hear, was I?_ she thought nervously. _I don't think I could explain myself…_

Though the boy was facing away from her, it was not hard to pick up on the anxiety in his voice as he whispered, "I'm sorry…"

"Sorry?" Misato echoed.  "Sorry for what, Shinji?  You're doing a really good job with Asuka… I think you guys will be able to beat that angel tomorrow with no problem."  She frowned as he made no reply.  "Shinji?"

After a minute of tense listening, she shrugged.  _Must have fallen asleep…_

"I'm sure whatever it is you think you've done… it isn't that bad, Shinji," she murmured, watching closely for any sign that he might be listening.  "Sleep well… do your best… and when all of this is over, I'll take you out again…"

Slowly, she crept over to the boy and crouched at his side, making sure that her back was to Asuka – just in case – and putting a hand on his shoulder.  She pulled gently, rolling him onto his back and leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

"I know you're awake," she teased, her voice barely a whisper, "sweet dreams."

Shinji's cheeks shone a rosy pink in the dim moonlight, but he kept his eyes firmly closed.

"Meanie…"

Unable to withstand the slight pout in the woman's voice, Shinji relented and looked up at her.  "Sorry…"

"Good thing you opened your eyes," Misato winked, "I was about to play Sleeping Beauty with you."

Shinji grinned, reaching out to take her hand.  "M-Maybe I should close them again?" he stammered, feeling slightly giddy at how bold he was being.  "Or maybe we should just play-"

"What are you two doing?"

Misato yelped, losing her balance and toppling backwards onto Asuka's bed.  "You scared the shit out of me!" she gasped, pushing herself quickly off the girl and straightening her skirt.

"Hey!" Asuka grumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes, "I'm not the one who was hanging out by _your _bed and making a bunch of noise – what the hell were you two talking about at this hour, anyway??"  Her eyes narrowed as she looked from one to the other, "If you were telling him something about the angel so he can do better, I'll-"

"It's nothing like that," Misato replied coolly as she rose and started for the door.  "Go back to sleep… it's going to be a big day tomorrow."

Asuka glared at the woman's back for a moment, then lay back down with a disgusted grunt.  "Yes Ma'am," she muttered sarcastically, yawning as she rolled over onto her back.  "Just don't… play…" she yawned again, "Sleeping Beauty with me…"

She was already sound asleep when, a moment later, Shinji sat straight up, a look of shock on his face as he stared at her.

Sleep did not come to the Third Child for some time.

Continued…

Author's Notes:  With the defeat of the seventh angel, and Asuka's subsequent placement in Misato's apartment, alone time becomes almost nonexistent for Shinji and Misato… so how can they continue calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend?  And when a momentary indiscretion exposes their affair to a key individual, how will Misato react?

Find out in the next chapter: Keeping Secrets.

Pre-read for this chapter was by LeperMessiah.  Sorry about not using that suggestion on that one monologue, dude… just didn't have time to fit it in and make it look good!  _

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	4. Week 4: Keeping Secrets

Disclaimer: see part 1.

The Lifespan of a Love Affair

By Random1377

Week 4: Keeping Secrets.

"She's moving in??"

"Keep your voice down," Misato hissed, scrubbing a hand through her long purple hair.  "It's not like we live in a mansion, you know – she's only twenty feet away!"

"But, but," Shinji stammered, "how will she… where will she… what's she going to say about us?"

Misato shot a glance over to the doorway leading to the living room, then grinned and leaned over to peck him on the lips.  "We'll keep it a secret," she whispered, trying to make light of the situation.

Shinji colored, tracing his lips with his forefinger and nodding slowly.

_Just keep it cool,_ Misato thought, calling Asuka into the room, _if I can convince the school dean that a week of marathon sex was a 'transient virus' I can keep my personal affairs private from a fourteen year old._

"This place is kinda small," Asuka sighed as she came into the kitchen, "I'm guessing that the room I was in when we were doing sync training is going to be mine, right? Well… it'll have to do."  She grinned, "Better than the barracks, or one of those shitty little apartments across town."

"Your stuff should all fit," Misato shrugged, "and this way you can walk to school with Shinji."

"Super," Asuka rolled her eyes, "well… guess I'll get my stuff."

Shinji watched her head out the door, biting his bottom lip pensively.  _I don't think she remembers that night,_ he mused, thinking of the girl's tired eyes when she sat up and saw him with Misato the night before the most recent angel.  _She would have said something, right?  I don't think she'd ever let something like that go._

He squeaked slightly with surprise as Misato's arms circled his waist from behind, pulling him back against her.  "M-Misato?"

"Shinji?"

"Misato," the boy managed, allowing himself the luxury of leaning into her embrace for a minute, "she could be back any second…"

He closed his eyes as Misato rested her chin on his shoulder, kissing his cheek and squeezing him lightly.  "I know," she whispered playfully, "kind of exciting, isn't it?"  She laughed as he stumblingly protested that this was no way to keep a secret.  "Asuka has to go all the way downstairs and come back up," she pointed out, absently caressing his stomach and kissing his cheek again, "so I figure that gives me at least five minutes alone with you…" she lowered her voice.  "And I think I deserve that…"

Shinji shivered.  "I want…"

"Hmmm?" Misato prompted as he trailed off.  "What do you want, Shinji?  I'm listening…"  She waited patiently, still stroking his stomach through his shirt, and wondering suddenly what he was getting out of their relationship.

_He never asks for more,_ she thought, frowning softly, _and he never tries to TAKE more.  It's… sweet, in a way, that he hasn't tried to feel me up – but is he happy?  Does he WANT more than an occasional kiss?  God… even though we live and work together, we hardly talk about stuff like that, and I can count the number of times we've kissed on one hand._

"I want to… to go out again," Shinji confessed finally, "I want to take you to a movie."

For one startlingly erotic moment, Misato thought he had said 'I want to take you _in_ a movie.' Shaking off the urge to ask him if he wanted her buttered or plain, she replied, "I'd like that.  There's a new romance movie out… we could go to that on Saturday if you want."

"Can we go tonight?" Shinji asked hesitantly.  "I… I just really want to get out tonight – so can we?"

Misato smiled, inexplicably happy that the boy was actually asking for something.  _It's kind of a first step, huh?_ she thought, finding her right hand resting over his heart.  _Maybe this is what you get out of it, right Shinji?  I get a sweet, affectionate, kind-hearted boyfriend that's not always trying to get into my pants… and you get a little dose of self-confidence.  Sound like a fair deal?_

"Are you going to kiss me?" she asked lightly, giggling as she felt him flush.  "I think we can go to the movies," she murmured gently, releasing him and taking a step back as the sound of the elevator bell reached her.  "And," she whispered, "I don't argue _too_ much if you wanted to make out if the movie's too boring…"

A moment later, Asuka passed through the kitchen.  "What are you grinning about?" she muttered, pulling the strap of the heavy looking bag she was carrying a bit higher on her shoulder.

"Nothing," Shinji said sheepishly.  "Do you need some help?"

Asuka paused.  "Yeah," she said hesitantly, "I guess… but don't think that I owe you or anything – I don't _need_ your help, it'll just make it go faster."

Shinji smiled, his eyes flickering to Misato's.  "Ok," he replied agreeably.

Misato watched the two Children move in opposite directions… and found herself hit by a flash of insight.  _They'd never work together,_ she thought with a touch of sadness, _like just now… they're moving in opposite directions…_

Shaking her head, she followed Shinji, a wicked grin on her face as she called, "Wait up!  I'll ride down with you…"

**

Misato checked her watch.  "Stupid elevator's so damn slow," she grumbled, leaning slightly away from the other occupant.

Kaji continued staring straight ahead, the placid expression on his face barely even indicating that he was aware of her presence.

The conversation between the two old lovers had been incredibly subdued over the last few days, Misato had noticed, and strangely – this suited her just fine.  _We're over,_ she thought, casting him a sidelong glance as the elevator continued to tick off floors, _no point in trying to rekindle something long dead, right?  Besides… I have a boyfrie-_

"I saw a movie on Tuesday," Kaji said suddenly, cutting into her thoughts. "Kind of a break from the norm, you know?  Usually I see stuff on the weekend."

"Good for you," Misato muttered.  "Way to shift your paradigm."

Kaji continued staring straight ahead.  "Yeah," he said lightly, "wasn't too bad.  Kinda sappy, I thought, but not too bad."  He cleared his throat.  "I think you'd like it, though."

"Why's that?" Misato asked distantly, scratching behind her right ear and wishing the elevator would reach the top.  _And does he have to keep wearing that cologne??_ She thought, her brow drawing down slightly as she recalled the way his neck happened to taste when he was wearing that particular fragrance.  _Maybe I should get Shinji some…_ she thought idly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, _not the same kind, of course – well… maybe the same kind, but-_

"Just seems like your kind of movie," Kaji continued after a moment of quiet, a slow smile spreading over his face.  "It's called, _Signs of Life_… it's a romance…"

Misato froze, slowly turning to face the man. _No way!!_

Kaji leaned against the back of the elevator.  "Hmm…" he hummed, looking thoughtful, "there were a lot of couples at the show," he said quietly.

Misato lowered her eyes, staring at the floor.  _Don't…_ she thought desperately, _oh please don't let him have seen us!!_

"How is he?"

The purple-haired woman flinched.  "I don't know what you me-"  
  


"I never thought I would see the day," Kaji cut, his voice turning cold as ice.  "No, I never thought _you_ of all people would do something like this."

"You don't… understand," Misato managed, "it's not what it-"

Kaji cut her off again, muttering, "You must have been pretty damn desperate to start fucking a kid, Misato."

"It's not like that!" the woman exploded.  "We're just… we…"

As she fumbled for words, Kaji shook his head.  "You're some piece of work, Katsuragi," he murmured.  "Well," he shrugged, "I guess the Commander doesn't need to hear about this… he's already got a lot on his mind."

Misato closed her eyes.  "Thank you…" she whispered, wondering if her pride died in that moment, or if it had been gone for some time.

"Sure," Kaji replied quietly, "but I'd sure as hell recommend that there's nothing to find out come tomorrow, you know what I mean?  There are… other people that pay attention to what goes on around here, Katsuragi."

Misato just nodded, opening her eyes as the elevator chimed their arrival.

Kaji stepped out, walking in the direction of the cafeteria with a casual, unhurried stride.  "Later," he muttered.

He received no reply, and though it was her floor… Misato stayed on the elevator as the doors slid closed and it began its slow descent once more.

**

Shinji glanced up as Misato came into the apartment.  "Hey," he said brightly, "how was work?"

"It was… ok," Misato replied halfheartedly, "couple little snags, but ok, I guess…"

_He doesn't need to know,_ she thought tiredly, shrugging her coat off and hanging it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.  "What's cooking?" she asked, hoping her voice did not sound too strained, "It smells really good."

"Oh, it's just a little chicken and vegetables," Shinji said dismissively, "I picked up a cookbook yesterday…" his voice grew a shade more timid.  "I wanted to cook you something a little nicer."

Misato blinked, then grinned.  "Asuka's not here, is she?" she asked shrewdly.

Shinji continued facing the skillet, slowly shaking his head.  "She went over to the Class Representative's house," he murmured, carefully stirring the pan, "she won't be back until nine or so."

He frowned slightly as Misato offered no reply, the silence between them stretching out for a full minute before becoming unbearable.

"Is something wro-"

His query was cut off as the woman laid her hands on his shoulders, gently turning him to face her.  "Turn off the stove for a minute," she whispered, smiling wolfishly, "or you'll burn the food."

Shinji blushed, nearly burning his hand as he reached back and found the knob to turn off the burner.  "W-what is it?" he managed, somewhat daunted by the sudden awareness of how quiet the apartment was.

"Don't play hard to get, Shinji," Misato teased gently, folding him in her arms.  "You know what I want."  She laughed as Shinji stammered something about moving too fast, caressing his cheek with her palm.  "Not that, hentai…" she whispered, "I just wanted to kiss you for a while."

"Oh…"

Misato's smile faded slightly.  _But if you started it,_ she thought pensively, _would I try to stop you?  I like the way things are going – no matter what my old 'college friends' think – and I don't want this feeling to get ruined, so I'm not going to be the one to make a move… but if he does, then what?  Am I going to say, 'I think we should wait a while,' even though we've been dating for four weeks?_  Her face fell further as she stared at the floor.  _Or will I just spread my legs… and close my eyes… and… god damn, maybe Ritsuko was right – just thinking about it is making me wet…_

"You look sad…"

Misato shook herself.  "Hmm?" she hummed, glancing up to find his face heavy with concern.  "I'm not sad, I'm just… kinda tired," she offered him a gentle smile.  "And I don't get to see you as much as I want to."

Shinji nodded.  "I know," he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Why would you be sorry?" the woman asked with some wonder, "It's not your fault… you didn't let Asuka move in."

Shinji tilted his head to the side.  "Why did you have her move in?" he asked curiously.

Misato sighed, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair.  "The same reason I had you move in," she said quietly, "because I can't stand to see someone living alone if I can do something about it.  Of course," she stuck her tongue out suddenly, "I doubt I'll start making out with her, unless you wanted to try a little three-way act-" she cut herself off as Shinji's eyes grew to the size of saucers.  "Just kidding," she said lightly, leaning forward and brushing her lips against his, "if I really was going to make out with you and another girl, it would be Rei… she's got a cute little ass, and she's not so bossy."

There was a moment of absolute silence in the apartment, then Misato burst into laughter.

_God,_ she thought as the boy alternated from pale to bright red, his thoughts obviously in chaos from the very idea of a group make out session, _this is so fun.  Not just teasing him, but the fact that I know how he'll react.  I know when he'll smile… I know when he'll blush… I know when I should kiss him to make him feel better… I know… him – I love that!  I love that I he's so gentle with me, and I love the way he smiles at me, and I love that… when did we start kissing?_

Misato pulled back, breaking the soft kiss, and tried to go back over the past few moments.  "Sorry about that," she breathed, grinning slightly at the boy's dazed expression, "you look so cute in that apron, I just couldn't help myself."

Shinji glanced down.  "M-maybe I'll just start wearing it around the house," he grinned.

"Tease," Misato winked, pressing her forehead against his.  She closed her eyes, reaching back and slowly moving his hand back up from where it had come to rest.

"I'm sorry…" Shinji whispered, looking embarrassed, "I just… I'm sorry."

"It's ok," the woman replied, opening her eyes and smiling reassuringly, "I'm sorry I stopped you, I guess I just wasn't expecting it…"  She kissed him lightly, lowering her voice to a whisper.  "You can try again if you want… I won't stop you this time."

_Well,_ she thought ironically, _guess now I know what I would do if he made a move._

Slowly, Shinji stepped back.  "I should get dinner finished," he said sheepishly.  "I'll call you when it's done…"

"Ok," Misato murmured, her shoulders slumping slightly.

_Stupid,_ she berated herself as Shinji turned the stove back on, his cheeks flushed with color.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid!  God, I'm so STUPID!!_  She made her way into her room, stripping her shirt off and tossing it carelessly in a corner… then walking over and picking it up, depositing it carefully in the hamper she had recently purchased.  _What do you think of that, Kaji?_ she thought angrily, pulling a tee shirt out of one of her drawers and yanking it on.  _How can I be fucking him if I panic when he touches my ass?  God…_ she shook her head, slipping out of her skirt and pulling on a pair of sweats, _I've gone all the way the other direction – from slut to prude in four weeks… and for my next trick, I'll destroy my boyfriend's confidence by making it clear that our relationship is on my terms only.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm on a roll…_

"Dinner's ready."

"Coming!" she called.  She stopped, looking in her mirror and straightening her hair.  "Ok," she told herself firmly, "life is made up of compromises.  Yes, I promised myself that I wouldn't move to fast with Shinji, but I think maybe a little touch after four weeks is pretty slow – especially considering that I've slept with guys on the first date… so here's what we'll do."  She pointed at her reflection.  "You are going to go in there, have a nice, relaxing evening with your boyfriend, kiss him every chance you get, and if he tries to touch you again, you're going to let it happen – got it?"  She nodded, making a fist and brandishing it in the mirror.  "Right – let's go!"

She headed out of her room, determined to break free of the odd stasis that had quietly stolen over their relationship.  Yes, she decided, a little touch… a little forward movement – there was certainly nothing wrong with that.  If he wanted to touch her a little bit (not too much, of course) it would be best to just let it move along naturally.

Shinji, however… did not try to touch her again that night.

Continued…

Author's notes:  After only four weeks together, stress fractures are starting to show in Shinji and Misato's already tenuous relationship.  When more pressure is brought to bear from an unforeseen angle, can Misato manage to keep it all together?  And why, in the world, is Rei asking Shinji about sex??

Find out in the next chapter:  Treading Lightly.

This chapter was not pre-read.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	5. Week 5: Treading Lightly

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 5: Treading Lightly

Shinji sighed as he came into the apartment, kicking off his shoes and muttering, "Well, at least she'll be at NERV for a little while…"  School had been rather difficult, as Asuka (for some reason he could not fathom) continued bringing up her superior sync ratio.  "It's not like I work at it," he sighed, dropping his backpack, "it's not my fault it's getting higher."  He paused, tilting his head as a soft, familiar sound reached his ears.

_Is that…?_ he frowned, moving deeper into the apartment, finally coming to the living room, where he encountered the object of his affections.

Shinji just stared as he found the woman running through the steps of the synchronization training they had used to defeat the angel.  Her eyes were closed and there was a look of intense concentration on her face as she moved across the sensor pad, doing her best to match her movements with the song.  And in Shinji's opinion, she was doing… awful.  

Even as he watched, she missed five steps, forgot the third arm movement in second 48, and totally ignored the bridge.

He sighed to himself as he shrugged off the light jacket he was wearing and walked over to the other pad.  He said nothing as Misato opened her eyes and blushed, seeming to want to explain what she was doing, and chose instead to start running through the routine himself.  Misato watched him uncertainly for a moment, then grinned and began following his lead, trying her best to mimic his movements.

With Rei, the synchronization had been immediate and natural.  With Asuka, it had taken both of them days to adapt.  With Misato… it was somewhere in-between.  They ran through the training ten times, since they had nothing else better to do that afternoon, and by the end of the tenth cycle, though they still were not synchronized, they were both smiling broadly.

When the tape restarted for the eleventh time, Misato raised a finger, stopping for a moment.  Shinji nodded, putting his hands on his knees and catching his breath.  His blinked uncertainly as Misato left her pad and stepped onto his, putting a hand on his shoulder and slowly turning him around.  He shivered, going stock still as the woman pressed her body against his back, draping her arms over his and linking their fingers.  He exhaled in a rush as she placed her mouth next to his ear, whispering,

"Show me…"

A slow smile spread over Shinji's lips, and he nodded, waiting for the beginning of the instrumental and starting to run through the training.  It was awkward, and a bit uncomfortable, since Misato was taller and held him quite firmly, but all things considered… it was far from unpleasant.  Their bodies moved smoothly, aided by the perspiration running freely off of them, and the friction and closeness drove the temperature in the room up by several degrees.

At first, Misato's movements were a bit jerky and tense, as if she was not sure that what she was doing was a good idea.  By the third time through, however, she was relaxed and loose, moving easily along with the boy and smiling contentedly.  After the seventh time, Misato stopped moving and wrapped her arms around Shinji's body, forcing him to still.  

In the sudden absence of motion, Shinji's heartbeat sounded too loud… too frantic – and he felt the need to swallow every time Misato's breath blew against his skin.  He gasped as he felt her lips brush the back of his neck.

"Misato?" he whispered.

"Shinji," she replied.

Shinji shifted in her embrace, twisting awkwardly until he could look into her eyes, and shivering as he found them gazing into his own with a softly hungry light.  

They kissed.

"Mmmm..? Mmmmm…" 

Shinji wondered why the sound resonating in the back of his throat was so pleading, like he was begging for… something.  What, he did not know, but standing in the middle of the apartment, being held so tightly by this gorgeous woman and feeling her warm lips pressing against his as the music continued all around them as sweat rolled slowly down his chest, he knew he wanted more.

He shivered as Misato reached up and ran the back of her fingers over his cheek.  "You're all sweaty," she whispered, breaking the kiss and smiling at him.

"S-so are you," Shinji gasped, no longer sure if he was winded from the workout or the kiss.

Misato turned her head as Shinji leaned up, trying to kiss her again.

"What's wrong?" he asked, losing the warm feeling that had been growing in the pit of his stomach as the woman released him.  "Misato?"

"Nothing," Misato replied evenly.  "I just noticed the time.  I should go get Asuka from NERV so she doesn't have to take the train."

"Oh," Shinji muttered disappointedly.  "Should I go with?"

Misato took a careful step back, shaking her head. "Nah," she murmured, "you get dinner started, ok?  I won't be long."

She turned away as he agreed, drawing in a deep breath and starting for the door.  _God,_ she thought dizzily, _I could probably cut glass right now… damn that was hot…_  She made her exit as quickly as she could, not wanting her young boyfriend to see how aroused she was, and wishing, deep in her heart… that the kiss of a boy not even half her age did not turn her on so much.

**

Asuka blinked as Misato's blue Renault pulled up at the curb by the bus stop.

"Hey little girl," Misato called, "want a ride?"

The redhead rolled her eyes.  "Very original," she muttered, smiling in spite of herself as she opened the door, "Where's Shinji?  Please tell me he's cooking something – I'm starving!  Really, what does that Akagi woman think I am, a machine??"

Misato shrugged.  "She needs a hobby," she muttered darkly.

"Or a boyfriend," Asuka suggested, almost offhandedly, "which reminds me…"

Misato tensed.  "Yeah?"

_Oh come on!_ she thought tiredly, _There's no way SHE knows too!_

"Girl to girl," Asuka said carefully, "honestly…"

"Y-Yeah…?"

"How is Kaji?"

Misato almost laughed with relief… until she realized what she was being asked.  "He's… fine," she said evasively, trying to feign ignorance.  "I think he had a cold last week," _Or maybe it's just that he WAS cold,_ "but he looked ok yesterday."

Asuka blew out a disgusted breath.  "Don't play stupid," she grumped, "you know what I mean!"

"That's personal," Misato replied, brushing her hair back with her right hand.  "And it's ancient history, so-"

"He said you were wild in bed," Asuka cut in smoothly, "is he, too?"  She lowered her voice, "I'll bet he's got a big dick."

"_Asuka__!_"

"I'm right, huh?" the redhead laughed, delighted.  "Oh get over yourself," she grumbled as the other woman shot her a dark look, "I'm not asking for details, Misato, I just want to know-"

"_Why_ do you want to know?" Misato interrupted, glancing at the girl from the corner of her eyes, "you're too young for that kind of stuff anyway."

"Oh shut up," Asuka muttered, "for your information, legal marrying age in Japan is fourteen.  Not that I'm looking to get married," she grinned wolfishly, "but there's a couple things married people do that interest me, so-"

"Forget it," Misato snapped.  "I'm not talking to you about my sex life with Kaji!"

"Ok," the Second winkled her nose, "how about Shinji, then? Do you – look out!!"

Misato swerved, narrowly dodging the truck that had been heading their way, and slammed on the brakes, skidding the car to a halt on the side of the road and breathing harder than when she had been working out.

"God _damn!!_" Asuka exploded, "What the hell is wrong with you??  You almost got us kil-"

"You listen to me, you little bitch," Misato snapped, her temper vanishing entirely as she turned to face the girl.  "Don't you _ever_ talk about Shinji that way!"

The redhead gaped for a moment, entirely at a loss for words.  Finally, she closed her mouth, her nostrils flaring as she muttered, "Fuck you – he's not precious.  Jesus!  I was just going to ask if you thought he'd be any good… why don't you fucking relax?!"

Misato flushed, turning her attention back to the road and looking for a break in traffic.  "Drop it," she whispered coldly, "What's between Kaji and me is in the past… and I'm not going to try and figure out what kind of… fuck Shinji is – that's just sick."

"You need to calm the fuck down," Asuka grumbled angrily, "geez – you act like _you're_ fucking him!"  She pursed her lips as the woman opened her mouth.  "Just shut up, Misato," she said flatly, "before you run us into a bus or something… fucking psycho…"

Misato's eyes flashed, but she bit her tongue, taking a deep breath to calm herself before retorting, "I guess now I know why you don't have any friends."

Asuka paled.  "Fuck you," she whispered angrily.

"Sorry," the older woman answered dryly, "your tits are too small – and I like my women with a little more grass on the playing field."

Asuka colored, biting back another choice comment, and turned to look out the window.

**

Shinji shifted in his school chair, trying to keep his attention focused on his laptop screen, but his eyes kept traveling from Asuka to Rei and back again.  _She's been so quiet,_ he thought, staring at Asuka, _I wonder why she's mad at me…_  He sighed.  _I wonder if Rei-_

"Stop looking at me, freak," Asuka growled through clenched teeth, "go talk to Wondergirl or something – maybe if your order her she'll be your girlfriend and you can stare at her all damn day!"

Shinji blushed… but in his mind, he could still feel Misato's body pressed against his back and taste her lips on his tongue.  "Maybe I will," he retorted, taking great pleasure in seeing Asuka blink in surprise.

"Yeah right," the redhead scowled, waving a hand dismissively.  "I'll tell you what, Third Child," she said derisively, "if you actually hold a conversation with that weirdo – I'll buy you dinner!"

Normally, Shinji liked avoiding confrontation – it made him faintly queasy.  But something in Asuka's confident smirk irritated him.  _Misato wouldn't put up with that,_ he thought angrily, meeting her sparkling, confident eyes, _she'd say something to shut her up – something like-_

"And you'll wear a pretty, pink dress."

Asuka's eyes narrowed.  _Ok,_ she thought coldly, _that's the game you want to play?_

"Done," she whispered, ignoring the slight gasp of shock from the girl at the desk in front of her, "but if you can't get her to talk – and I mean say something besides yes, no, or unless I'm ordered too – you're gonna be on dish patrol for a month… and you won't even _touch_ the remote while I'm in the house."

Shinji pursed his lips, wondering how dinner in a dress compared to a month of pruny hands and lack of good television, but he nodded.  "Alright…"

For the next thirty-five minutes, Shinji sweated.  _What was I thinking??_ he thought miserably, trying to disappear into his seat as Asuka sat a little straighter in hers, smiling brightly and pretending he didn't exist.  He jumped when the bell rang, covering his chest and waiting for the other students to file out.

After five minutes of waiting, he realized that everyone was staring at him.  "Well?" Asuka laughed, "what are you waiting for, Third Child?"

"But, we didn't…" he stammered, "I didn't know… everyone would be here…"

Asuka shrugged.  "No one ever said they wouldn't be," she pointed out, "so I win."

"No!" Shinji protested, shooting to his feet.  "I…"

"Well?" the redhead prompted, her eyes darting to where Rei was sitting with her chin in her palm, blatantly unaware of the conversation taking place less than ten feet from her.

Shinji closed his eyes.  _I can do this,_ he thought, trying to psyche himself up, _I'm… I'm dating a gorgeous, smart, sexy older woman – if I can do that without going to pieces… I can talk to Rei!_  Ignoring the detail that his relationship with Misato seemed to be rather one-sided and shaky, he stepped out into the aisle and started towards Rei's desk.

"Hey Ayanami," he said, forcing some brightness into his voice as he slid into the seat next to hers.  "How are you?"

The blue-haired girl slowly brought her head around, staring at Shinji with undisguised, though mild, confusion.  "Ikari," she replied quietly, "I am well."

Shinji nodded.  "That's… good…" he said, casting about in his mind for a topic of conversation that would draw more than single syllable responses.  "Hey," he said suddenly, relief washing through him as his mind locked onto an idea.  "Are you looking forward to the school field trip?  I know that ummm… you like swimming, right?  Have you ever gone scuba diving before?"

"No," Rei replied calmly, only answering his last question, "I have not."

Clasping his hands together on the desk in front of him, Shinji took a deep breath.  _Asuka__ looks like she's about to laugh,_ he thought miserably, _I don't want to lose to her…_  He frowned, wondering suddenly what the redhead would look like in a pink dress.

"Are you bringing anyone?" he asked impulsively.  "Since so many students left last month, there's extra seats on the plane… so we can bring guests.  Are you bringing anyone, Ayanami?"

There was a long moment of silence… and Rei shook her head.

Shinji laid his hands flat on the table, considering his words carefully.  "Ayanami…" he said slowly, "just wondering, but… is there anyone you would _want_ to bring?"

Rei's brow creased very, very faintly, and Shinji doubted that she would even reply.  Finally, she whispered, "I would rather not answer that, Ikari."

Shinji was taken aback.  "Umm… why not?" he asked, forgetting for a moment that they were in the middle of a crowded classroom.  "I'm not trying to embarrass you, or anything," he said softly, "I just… want to know about you."

The First Child lowered her eyes, studying her desk in silence before answering, "I am not comfortable discussing this in public."  She raised her crimson eyes, her voice going still lower as she asked, "Why are you talking to me so openly?"

"I… huh?" Shinji managed.

"It is unlike you to speak to me directly," Rei pointed out seriously.

"I told you," the boy murmured, feeling slightly ill as he blended the truth with a lie.  "I want to know more about you."

"I see," Rei nodded.  She hesitated, seeming to think very carefully before saying, "I would like to ask you a question."  She pursed her lips.  "If I may do that, I will answer yours."

Shinji's stomach clenched.  _We're talking!_ He thought happily, _Ayanami__ is talking to me – and she's not being weird and saying stuff like, 'it's a bond to all people.'_

So excited was he by the idea that he had engaged the reclusive pilot in a conversation was he, that he forgot entirely about the bet that had prompted it.  "That's fair," he said enthusiastically, "go ahead and ask."

"I have noticed," Rei started slowly, "that you behavior has changed over the last thirty days."  She glanced around, wishing that their conversation was not quite so public, then pressed forward.  "I have further noticed that you are still attending school and NERV functions as normal, and your diet has not changed that I can detect, is that correct?"

Shinji shrugged.  "I guess that about sums it up," he said uncertainly, "you've probably paid more attention than me, it sounds like."

Rei continued.  "I would not normally make your affairs my concern," she told him flatly, "but as the Commander mentioned several weeks prior, all pilots are to consider themselves team players, and rely on one another, so I feel that I am obligated to mention this."  She met his eyes levelly.  "With diet and schedule changes eliminated," she said coolly, "I would like to know if you are engaging in sexual intercourse with Pilot Souryu."

"_WHAT??_"

Shinji paled as Asuka exploded.

The redhead was out of her seat and down the aisle in a flash, slamming her hands down on Rei's desk.  "You think I'm fucking _him??_" she shrieked.

Rei seemed unconcerned by Asuka's flushed face and angrily, short breaths.  "I do not like that expression," she said quietly.  "But it is a logical conclusion," she said after a moment of stunned quiet, "your behavior has changed as well."

Having undergone extensive synchronization training with the German, Shinji was possibly the most attuned to her out of anyone in her life.  This fact, as well as his seating position and combat-honed reflexes, all conspired to allow him to catch Asuka's hand as she drew it back to slap the blue-haired girl.

Asuka's upper lip drew back from her teeth as she met the First's level gaze.  "You'd better watch it," she growled, her nostrils flaring as she yanked her hand free and rose to her full height.  "Shinji's not always going to be nearby, and if you _ever_ say something like that to me again…" she trailed off, her mouth snapping closed as she glanced at Shinji.

Abruptly, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the room, pausing in the door to mutter, 'you win,' before making her exit.

Shinji ran a shaking hand over his face, feeling it come away wet with sweat.  _God…_ he thought unsteadily, _she was pissed!_

He blinked as Rei quietly slid out of her seat, whispering, "Goodbye."

Shinji considered calling out to her to remind her that she still had not told him who she wanted to bring – or why… but he simply sat still, deciding that he had learned enough about the First Child that day.

Closing his eyes, he leaned back in his borrowed desk, ignoring the other students as they filed out.  _Well,_ he thought dismally, _at least I know what Asuka thinks about me…_  He sighed.  _As disgusted as she sounded, I'm surprised she can live with me without throwing up…_

With thoughts of the First and Second Children in his mind, Shinji slipped off to sleep, his dreams haunted by images of the two of them telling Misato how disgusting he was… and having her reply, 'I know – that's why I keep him away from me.  What, you think I'm serious with that little coward?  HA!  I'm just killing time…'

When he awoke, the sun was down and the school was deserted… and he was alone.

Continued… 

Author's Notes:  Making good on her promise, Asuka takes Shinji to dinner… but after her conversations with Misato and Rei, and the mounting pressure of Shinji's rising sync ratio, how will the evening end?  And when an angel is discovered sleeping inside a volcano, how will Misato's relationship with Shinji affect who is sent to retrieve it?

Find out in the next chapter: Rattling Sabers

This chapter was released without the benefit of a pre-reader.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	6. Week 6: Rattling Sabers

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 6: Rattling Sabers

Misato sighed contentedly, setting her beer down and glancing at her two charges.  _Four o'clock on a Friday, and all's well,_ she thought approvingly, watching the Children as they made small talk and snacked on some leftover udon.

She should have sensed the danger in Asuka's mischievous grin.  

"So what are you doing tonight?" she asked the operations director.

"Me?" Misato frowned at Shinji, who had his bowl to his lips, gathering the last of his noodles.  "Don't have anything planned," she shrugged, "Why, what are you doing?"

"I'm taking Shinji on a date," the redhead informed her coolly.

"Oh is that right?" Misato replied, arching an eyebrow as she turned to face Shinji.

"Uh huh," Asuka chirped, taking great pleasure in watching the boy try to swallow the mouthful of food and cut in.  "I'm taking him to dinner," she dropped him a wink, "and I'm wearing a sexy dress – just for him."

"It's not," Shinji coughed, pounding on his chest and blinking as his eyes watered, "it's not… like that…"

"What is it like then?" Misato asked innocently.

"It's a date," Asuka said boldly, overriding Shinji's feeble, coughing protest.  "We made a bet… he won… so I'm taking him out."  She leaned across the table, dropping the older woman a wink as she added, "He hasn't seen the dress yet, but I'll show you later if you wanna see."

"It was… her idea," Shinji gasped, finally clearing his throat, "I told her she didn't have to…"

The damage had already been done.  "It's no big deal, Shinji," Misato shrugged, "it's not like I'm your… mother or anything."

Shinji flinched at the chill in the woman's voice, but since Asuka was in the room, all he could do was whisper, "Right…"

"Well," the operations director said lightly, pushing her chair back from the table, "I'm gonna watch some TV… you kids have fun on your date."  She made her way to her room – locking it behind her – and clicked on her television, raising the volume to drown out the frustrated growl that was sounding in the back of her throat.  "Damn it!" she swore, tearing her shirt off and hurling it across the room.  "That bitch!  And Shinji!  What the hell is _he_ thinking!?  I know he's heard the word no before!  _Damn it_!!"

She took a calming breath, slowly opening her dresser and taking out a nightshirt.

"Ok," she whispered, "ok, ok, ok, ok… Shinji's still mine," she told herself, "right?  Right.  He's… I'm his girlfriend…"  She closed her eyes, trying not to feel like she was lying, "and Asuka – oh, she's just doing this to piss me off!  I can see it in those shifty little eyes of hers."  She frowned, balling her fist in frustration.  "They better just have dinner," she muttered coldly.

Taking another breath, she threw herself onto her futon and closed her eyes.  _If she DOES try anything…_ she thought angrily, telling herself that she was well within her rights to feel this way, _I'll fucking kill her._

**

Shinji and Asuka made their way through the apartment's lobby to the elevator, neither feeling inclined to break the silence that had descended after their dinner date.

_Timing,_ Asuka thought, smiling as she pushed the button to summon the elevator _it's all about timing._  She cast Shinji a sideways glance, _You__ poor boy,_ she grinned to herself, _it's time for you to find out just how little you know._

Shinji's thoughts, by contrast, were entirely elsewhere.  _She wouldn't even open the door so I could say goodbye,_ he thought miserably, recalling his tentative knock before leaving on his date.  Dinner had actually turned out to be rather pleasant, and he found that (when she was not trying to outdo him) Asuka was fairly enjoyable company… but since leaving the restaurant, she had grown quieter and quieter.  _Like she's got something on her mind,_ he thought absently as they stepped out of the elevator.

Reaching for his keys, he found Asuka's hand on his upper arm.  "Hey wait a sec," she whispered.

"What is it?" Shinji asked curiously, letting his keys fall back into his pocket.  "Is something wrong?"

"I had a good time tonight," Asuka told him, tilting her head to the side and smiling warmly.

"Me too," Shinji admitted, "we should hang out more, you know – maybe with like, Hikari and Touji and stuff."  Abruptly, he blushed. "I'm sorry that I made you wear a dress…"

"I don't mind," the redhead hummed, "but since this _was_ a date…"  She stepped closer to him, leaning up with a seductive smile.

Shinji pulled back, blinking in surprise.

"Don't play hard to get," Asuka grinned, "it's a date… you kiss at the end of a date,"  She lowered her voice to a sultry whisper.  "Or are you scared?"

_Scared of you?_ Shinji thought skeptically, _Never!  Well… ok, maybe a little – but after kissing Misato, I'm sure not scared of kissing YOU._  "I'm not scared," he said quietly, remembering suddenly how Misato turned her head when he tried to kiss her first or left the room any time he tried to do _more_ than kiss her – even touch her hair.

"I'm not scared."

Asuka's smile wavered at the calm certainty in the boy's voice.  "Then… then here I come," she said softly.

Shinji nodded.  _Why should I stop her?_ he thought angrily, even then trying to justify what was about to happen, _Misato never said I couldn't see other girls, and… and she's probably seeing someone else too – she's hardly ever home.  _He bowed his head.  _And she wouldn't even open the door to say goodbye…_

He cleared his mind as Asuka suddenly leaned forward, putting her hands on his shoulders and pulling him closer to her.  "Ok," she said hesitantly, "here we go."

When she held still, Shinji's lips quirked up into a small smile.  "You said that already," he pointed out softly.  "Are _you_ scared, Asuka?"

"N-_no!_" the redhead snapped, "I just… I didn't want to blow your mind, Third Child – I wanted you to be ready!"

Shinji almost laughed, feeling oddly relieved at seeing the girl so awkward.  _She's just a child herself,_ he thought, shaking his head.  "That's very considerate of you, Asuk-"

Abruptly, Asuka pushed him against the wall, clamping her lips over his and thrusting her tongue into his mouth.  _There!_ she thought triumphantly, _That shut you up._  She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her breasts against him like all the women in the movies she had seen.  _Nothing smart to say?_ she thought, trying to lick the roof of his mouth, _Guess you don't think you're so good now, do… do you…?_

Her illusions of being the one in control where shattered as Shinji's hands closed around her waist, sliding slowly up her body until they were cradling her head and lightly massaging the back of her scalp.  She shivered involuntarily as the boy carefully tilted her head to the side, letting their mouths engage more fully, and gently suckled her tongue. Gasping, she broke the kiss, instinctively crossing her arms and covering her chest with her palms.

"Is something wrong?" Shinji asked, absently rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You... your breath was tickling me," the redhead sniffed, shivering again as the fabric of her bra rubbed the two burning spots on her chest with every breath she took.  "Try not to exhale all over me next time…"

"Next time?" Shinji echoed.  "So… are we like, dating, or-"

"No!" Asuka cut in, blushing angrily.  "This was just one time – I don't want to go out with you, you're… you're a bad kisser!"

In spite of her hopes that this would upset the boy, Shinji simply nodded.  "Ok."  After a moment, he touched his mouth with the tips of two fingers.  "I think you bruised my lips…" he whispered, obviously amused.

The redhead turned away.  _I can't… I don't believe this!_ she thought bitterly, _How can he be that calm?!?  That was… really hot… but he doesn't even care!  God, I'm… I must be…_

"A loser…"

"What's that?" Shinji asked, leaning closer to the girl, "I didn't quite hear you, you were whispering."

"I said let's go in," Asuka said flatly, stepping away from him.  "Date's over, Third Child – I've lived up to my end of the bet."  She stared at him for a moment, waiting until he met her eyes before whispering, "Don't think just because I kissed you that I like you or anything… I just wanted to see what it was like."

Shinji nodded, slowly pulling away from the wall.  "I understand," he said slowly, the novelty of kissing the Second Child quickly replaced with guilt and embarrassment for trying to rationalize this mild form of infidelity.

"Good."

Together, the two Children headed into the apartment, each, for different reasons… regretting the conclusion of their date.

**

Two days later, Misato stood on the catwalk in a little used section of E division, leaning against the rail and waiting for her boyfriend to come out of the dressing room below.  _Just capture the angel,_ she thought tiredly, _sure… no big deal – it's just under a few thousand tons of lava, no problem, Commander!  You just leave it to us!_  She closed her eyes as Shinji appeared, clad in the specially designed J-type plugsuit.

"Fuck."

"Well you could," a sarcastic voice behind her chuckled, "but personally – the Pillsbury Doughboy down there isn't looking so sexy right now."

Misato's lips pulled away from her teeth.  "What would you know about sexy?" she grumbled, opening her eyes as Kaji arrived quietly at her side.  "As I recall, your idea of 'sexy' is crotch-less panties and a little baby oil."

"Ahh," Kaji sighed, "memories."

"Asshole."

"Ahh," Kaji sighed again, "Mem-"

"If you know what's good for you," Misato cut in sharply, "you'll just keep your fucking mouth shut."

Kaji grinned.  "Something you could never quite manage," he replied.

Misato rolled her eyes, choosing to let the conversation go for the time being.  _Immature fucker,_ she thought angrily, waving as Shinji looked up at her and smiled uncertainly.  _Thinks just because we used to fuck… _She shook her head, _and you;_ she thought darkly, '_it was just a date' was it?  Then why has Asuka been so damn quiet the past couple days?  I thought for sure she would jump at the opportunity to get into the volcano and grab the angel – but she just stood there and stared at Shinji the whole time._

"Is Unit 01 ready?" she yelled abruptly, trying to focus on her duty.

"Yeah," Ritsuko waved, "D-equipment is in place."  She grinned, "Kinda had to refit the helmet, but it's good to go now."

Misato nodded.  "Excellent… we'll begin just as soon as Shinji stops waddling."

This drew a chuckle from everyone, including Shinji, and Misato smiled.  _He would have told me,_ she thought confidently, _if anything happened with Asuka, Shinji wouldn't be able to keep it from me – he'd be too guilty.  Maybe… oh this fits!  Maybe she wanted to do something, but he turned her down!  Yeah… that could be-_

"Playing favorites are we?" Kaji asked lightly, cutting into her contemplation of Shinji's date.

"You know," Misato retorted thoughtfully, "I don't recall giving you authorization to be here, agent Kaji."

Kaji snorted, glancing down at the swollen form of the Third Child.  "I don't recall your authority extending that far, _captain_."

Misato glowered but found that she had no suitable reply.  "Shinji," she called finally, "are you ready to go?  Time's wasting, I wanna get this show on the road."

"Yes ma'am," the boy replied, sounding a bit flustered, "but… but with Unit 01 in that big suit, how am I supposed to move around?"

"You won't need to," Misato informed him, "you're not going into combat, Shinji, this is just a little snatch and grab – it's a milkrun."

"Which is why you were chosen, sweetheart," Kaji muttered at her side.

"Shut up."

Kaji shook his head, obviously amused by the venom in the woman's voice.  "Yes, _ma'am_," he mocked, allowing his voice to pitch a bit higher in an obvious imitation of Shinji's.

"What am I doing here again?" Asuka grumbled, stepping onto the catwalk from the side door and approaching the two adults.

"You'll be backing Shinji up," Misato said quietly, watching Shinji take a few more bloated steps, his arms waving at his sides as he tried to adjust to his new center of balance.

"Riiight," Asuka yawned, "so if anything goes wrong, I can just dive right into the volcano with no protective gear of my own and fry while trying to save poor, helpless Shinji."  She smiled sweetly.  "Does that about sum it up, Miss Katsuragi?"

"What is this?" Misato growled, "Give Misato Shit Day??"

Kaji and Asuka exchanged a look.  "Well," the redhead grinned, "if it wasn't before, it is now."

"God," Misato sighed, smiling in spite of herself, "what did I do to deserve this…?"

Her smile vanished in an instant as Kaji leaned forward and put his hands on the railing, looking down at Shinji as he whispered, "Him."

Since Asuka was standing less than ten feet away, all Misato could do was grip the railing in her hands and bite her tongue.

Continued…

Author's Notes:  With a growing spiderweb of doubt and mistrust gradually entangling both Misato and Shinji, can they avoid discovery while maintaining and nurturing the fragile romance between them?  And when a horrible day at the office drives Misato to push things ever so slightly forward, how will Shinji react?

Find out in the next chapter: Losing Control.

Pre-read on this chapter was by LeperMessiah and Mike.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	7. Week 7: Losing Control

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 7: Losing Control.

"Damn it!" Misato swore, kicking the vending machine with the side of her boot.  "Give me my damn tea!"

Though the plastic on the front of the machine did buckle and pop back out with a satisfyingly loud thunking sound, the operations director found that she still did not have her tea.  

And patience.

"_Fucking piece of shit!!_"

"My my," Ritsuko said brightly as she came into the employee lounge, "coffee machine's still broken?"

"Ooooo!!!" Misato cried.  "I just wanted to relax for one fucking minute – is that too much to ask!?!  It's bad enough there's no beer machine!!"

She closed her eyes, holding onto her self control by her mental fingernails.

_Two angels in one week,_ she thought tiredly, _what a goddamned nightmare!_

The battle inside the volcano had been tense – more so since Shinji was the one in danger.  What was supposed to be a milkrun had nearly turned into a deathrun for the young pilot when the angel awoke.  It was only thanks to some quick thinking and backup from Asuka (who, of course, took credit for the kill) that saved his life.

_And I still haven't had more than a few minutes to see how he's holding up,_ she thought dismally. _At least the power's back on…_

"So," Ritsuko asked, walking up to the soda machine and slipping some change into it, "what _were_ you and Kaji doing in that elevator, Captain?"

"Watch it, Ritsu," Misato growled, digging in her pocket for more change, "I'm not in the mood.  It's bad enough that I got stuck with that pervert, but you should see the stack of fucking paperwork I have on my desk to account for the holes in our defense."  She shook her head furiously.  "I swear – how can they print that many 'required' forms and get them on my desk in less than an hour!?"

"The wonders of modern technology," Ritsuko retorted dryly, taking her can of soda and popping the top.  "So where're the Children?"

"They're looking out at the city," Misato sighed, "Asuka's still on watch – yeah, I know it was her plan that killed the angel, but rules are rules – so she'll stay a few more hours, and Shinji and Rei will head home in a few, I guess…"

"Together?"

Misato's face reddened.  "That's not funny," she mumbled.

Ritsuko sipped her soda, eyeing Misato pensively over the edge of the can.  "You're awfully touchy about Shinji these days," she whispered, "first the thing about me talking to him… then his date with Asuka – oh don't look surprised, like I wasn't going to put two and two together when you came into work in a pissy mood the next day."  She took another sip and continued.  "And now you're snapping my head off when I even hint that he might have something with Rei.  So tell me…" she grinned broadly, "is being a mother not all you thought it would be?  Afraid someone's going to take your little Shin-"

"Shut up!" Misato shouted.  "I'm not his mother!  And I'm not worried that someone will take him from me, so just shut up about it!"

"So what then?" Ritsuko asked seriously, setting the can aside and assessing her friend.  "You really _have_ been on edge lately… is it because Kaji's here, or what?"

_Fuck Kaji,_ Misato thought angrily, _damn prick.  Five hours in an elevator with Mister Hey How's the Underage Fucktoy?  Yeah, he is NOT someone I want to be talking about right now._  She sighed, thinking that, in all fairness, Kaji had been remarkably low key – even civil – during their time in the elevator.

"I've got a lot on my mind," she said finally, slipping her money into the vending machine.  "Shinji's just one of my concerns… and I guess I've been focusing on him a little more than lately, you know – with all the attacks and stuff."

"You know," Ritsuko said thoughtfully, tossing her can into the garbage and starting towards the door, "I almost believe you."  She raised a hand as Misato started to protest.  "Save it," she said quietly, "I'll catch up with you when we've both got some more free time."

Misato nodded as the blonde walked away, pushing the button on the machine to get a Diet Coke.

"Awww fuck you!" she cried.

The vending machine simply continued to flash, 'Selection not available.'

"Great…"

**

"I'm home…"

Shinji glanced up from the TV as Misato came into the living room and threw herself onto the couch at his side.  "Wasn't Asuka coming home with you?" he asked with a trace of guilt in his voice, "She said she was."

Misato nodded.  "She was," she confirmed, "but Ritsuko wanted her to stay for a few more tests… something about making sure the feedback from the acid falling on Unit 02 didn't affect her nerves or something, I dunno."

"Oh," Shinji shrugged, hesitating before asking, "Is everything ok?  You look a little, I dunno, worn out."  He smiled.  "You're usually so upbeat after we beat an angel."

Misato sighed, then slowly reached out and embraced him.  "I had kind of a hard day," she sighed, rubbing her cheek affectionately against his shoulder, "I'm just glad to be home."

"I was gonna cook a little late dinner, is that a good idea?" Shinji asked, tentatively putting his arms around the woman.  It was still strange for him to be that close to anyone – especially someone who, until recently, he looked at as a guardian – but it felt surprisingly good to have her against him… and in spite of his date with Asuka the week before, it felt honest.

Misato sat back, smiling happily.  "That would be great."

"Ok," Shinji nodded.  He rose to his feet and took a step towards the kitchen, but came up short when Misato kept his hand in hers.  "I… need that to cook," he told her, trying his best to emulate Kaji's cool, easy manner of speech.

Misato slowly pulled him back to her, saying nothing.

Shinji looked down into her face, an uncertain smile on his features as she simply held his hand and stared at him.  "N-not hungry?" he stammered lamely.  "Misato…?"

Very deliberately, the purple-haired woman tugged on his hand, pulling him closer and closer until he was standing between her legs and burying her face against his stomach.  _You're too good,_ she thought, inhaling his scent and nuzzling his midsection as he hesitantly touched her hair.  _Too good… too kind… too caring.__  I need to step back from you, Shinji.  The things I want… the things I want to do to you – it gets harder every day not to just take you and… and… _

"Misato?" Shinji murmured, confused by the normally boisterous woman's quiet, and by the small shiver that ran through her suddenly.  "Did you want me to cook something?" he asked quietly, not really knowing what to do.

_This is how it always starts…_

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

Misato pulled back and looked up at the boy, her lips parting slightly as she reached up and slipped her right hand around the back of his neck, drawing his mouth to hers.  _Just a little kiss,_ she thought guiltily, leaning back onto the couch and bringing Shinji with her, _I won't let it go farther than that, but after today… oh lord do I need this… and besides,_ she smiled against him, _I think, after that 'date' with Asuka, he needs a liiiitle reminder of who he's REALLY going out with!_

Five minutes later, the little reminder was still proceeding… though to say it was _only_ a kiss would be stretching the truth.  Always before, Misato had made sure to keep herself in check, ensuring that nothing too intense happened with Shinji – partly because she was striving to keep their relationship moving at a slow pace and partly because she was scared of proving Ritusko right.  But this, she felt, was a special occasion.

After all… it had been a hard day, and her territory had been threatened.

_I've been in bed in less time than this,_ she thought, caressing the back of Shinji's neck and savoring the clean, soft taste of his clumsily probing tongue.  _He's so sweet… he hasn't even tried to touch me…_  She caught herself before she could reach down and bring his hand from her waist to her chest, forcing herself to keep her cool.

Finally, they parted.  Shinji lay atop Misato, breathing hard and resting his head against her shoulder.  "Misato…" he panted, "that…"

"Shh…" Misato whispered, kissing the top of his head and stroking his back with her fingertips.

_He's so… light…_ she thought suddenly, _I mean really, really light.  He's all the way on top of me, but I'm comfortable._

A slow blush crept over her features as she wondered how many times she had been in this position without clothes.  There was no denying that they were situated intimately – especially since Shinji's body was cradled between her legs – but still, comfortable was the word that came to mind.

"You like this?" she whispered.

Shinji nodded.  "It's better than cooking."

Misato laughed as the boy paled, stammering an apology.  "Forget it," she said gently, hugging him tightly.  She drew in a deep breath.  "Now I'm hungry," she grinned.

Shinji blinked, then slowly rose to his feet.  "I'll, umm… cook…" he said uneasily, sensing a shift in the woman's mood and wondering what he had done wrong.

Misato smiled reassuringly, capturing his hand and squeezing it briefly.  "Would you?" she asked softly, running her thumb over the back of his hand.  "Then maybe later we can go out and do something?"

Shinji bit his lip pensively for a moment.  "Ok," he nodded, finding himself suddenly recalling the awkward, borderline clumsy kiss that Asuka had given him.  _Just don't think about it,_ he told himself firmly, _just… just go cook._

Misato watched him go, then stretched out on the couch, lacing her hands behind her head.  "Can't do that again for a while," she mused, felling a familiar tingling in her stomach, "mmmm… might not be able to stop next time…"  She closed her eyes, wetting her lips and trying to recapture the feeling of his mouth on hers. Slowly, her hands came down over her body, gliding smoothly lower until they reached their destination and lingering there as their owner imagined something besides her boyfriend's tongue parting her lips.

When Shinji came back to tell her that dinner was ready, Misato's hands were once again laced behind her head… though Shinji noticed that her cheeks were a bit flushed, and she had a very content looking smile on her face.

**

Asuka and Shinji walked towards school at a slow, unhurried pace, neither willing to be rush in spite of the fact that they were quite late.  Asuka cast the Third Child an assessing glance.  "Nice shooting yesterday," she said quietly, keeping her eyes facing forward.

Shinji blinked slowly, turning to face her.  "Thanks," he mumbled, turning back to look forward, "I couldn't have done it without you blocking the acid."

Asuka nodded. "I know."

There was a brief pause, then Shinji whispered, "I… saw that your sync ratio was a couple points down…"

Asuka's left foot hit the ground a bit harder than she had intended, and her brow drew down slightly as she replied, "Is that right…"

Shinji nodded.

Under normal circumstances, the conversation may have seemed like nothing more than idle chat between two children walking to school.  Aside from the topic of conversation, the tone was polite and non-threatening, and held the feel of two long-time associates having a friendly, quiet conversation.  Anyone that knew either Child, however, would have had one of two reactions: try to find out what was wrong, or run like hell, because Asuka was never that quiet and Shinji was never that open.

Most likely, option two would have been the most appealing.

"So," Asuka said coolly as they reached an intersection, "do you think you're better than me, Third Child?"

Shinji shook his head, keeping his attention on the streetlight and waiting for it to change to green.  "No," he said quietly, "I just noticed it, that's all."

"Oh."

  
The light changed, and the two continued walking.  As they reached the other side, Shinji's mind began working over the girl's comments.  _Better than you? _he mused, _because my sync ratio's two points from matching yours?  No… I don't think that makes me better._  He frowned slightly.  _The funny thing,_ he thought, _is that – for a couple days, anyway – I WAS starting to think that I had you beaten in one way.  Yeah, that's right… I thought I was better at relationships – how funny is that?  Maybe after Misato's done with me, you-_

"Did you like our date, Shinji?" Asuka asked suddenly.

Shinji glanced at her, but she was still looking ahead, and her voice held no hint of emotion whatsoever.  "Yes," he replied softly, making sure that he used the right words to express himself.  "I had a great time at dinner."

Asuka's hands slowly tightened on the straps of her backpack.  "Just at dinner?" she whispered.  When Shinji made no immediate reply, the redhead nodded.  "I see."

As the school came into sight, Asuka stopped walking.  "What is it?" Shinji asked, turning to look back over his shoulder as his steps took him past the girl.

Asuka looked down at the ground without answering for a minute.  _I can't… do anything…_ she thought, her calm exterior offering no indication of the turmoil raging within her.  _I HELPED beat the angel in the volcano, and I HELPED beat the angel with the acid… _she bit her lip, slowly raising her eyes to look at the Third Child, _but you… you're the one that gets the praise… you're the one that gets taken out to dinner by Misato… you're the one that already… already knows how to kiss… I ha_

"…te you."

Shinji blinked.  "What's that?" he asked, leaning closer, "I didn't hear you."

"You're not better than me," Asuka whispered, trembling slightly as she looked through the other Child.  "I'm the best pilot – I know I am… you're nothing."  She stepped closer to Shinji, their eyes locking as she spoke.  "You… are… nothing, Shinji – do you understand?  Just because you're syncing better, and you know how to kiss, that doesn't mean you're any better than me."  She tilted her head to the side, her voice echoing with pity and disgust in Shinji's ears, even though she never raised or lowered it.  "I'm going to show everyone that you're nothing but a loser that's gotten lucky a few times, do you get it? I'll show everyone that you are…" she stepped past him, finally breaking eye contact, "nothing."

Caught completely off guard, Shinji could think of nothing to respond with other than, "Yeah…"

He stood still as Asuka's footsteps continued on towards school, wondering why he couldn't even ask her what he had done to deserve her harsh words.  _Maybe I should go home,_ he thought, taking a shuddering breath, _Maybe Misato-_

He killed the thought before it could fully form, his shoulders slumping as he recalled the way his girlfriend had pushed him away the night before, leading him to believe that everything was ok and then sending him off to make dinner without even telling him what he had done.

Slowly… he turned and continued the walk to school.

Continued…

Author's notes:  When Kaji tells Misato exactly what's on his mind, how will she reply?  And what will the repercussions be when she knocks on Shinji's door that night?

Find out in the next chapter: Sleeping Together.

Pre-read was by LeperMessiah. Thanks.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	8. Week 8: Sleeping Together

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 8:  Sleeping Together

"So how bad is it?" Misato asked quietly, scanning the text on the page in front of her.

"Well," Ritsuko replied, stifling a yawn, "its not _good_ news."

"How far?" Misato murmured, setting the papers to the side.  "And how fast?"

The blonde stretched in her chair.  "At this rate?" she mused, "I'd say she'll slide another three to four points in the next week – but like I said, that's at this rate…"

"So it could slow down," Misato arched an eyebrow.

"Or speed up," Ritsuko countered coolly.  "Regardless, we need to watch her – see what the hell is going on."

"You don't think that date could be what's causing this do you?" Misato asked slowly.

"By itself?" Ritsuko replied, "Unlikely.  It could be a factor, if it ended badly, but you said they were ok afterwards, right?"  When Misato nodded, the blonde went on.  "So I doubt that's a factor.  Now, if it had ended with them having sex, or getting into a fight… then yeah, that would affect both of them – but Shinji's just fine, so those scenarios seem farfetched."

Ignoring the mental image of Shinji and Asuka having sex in the elevator of the apartment building, Misato asked, "What if Shinji rejected her when she made a move on him?  That could explain-"

"Shinji??" Ritsuko laughed, "_Rejecting_ Asuka?  Oh come on!  I know you said he was seeing someone, Misato, but I don't think Shinji would know how to say no if he wanted too – and besides, Asuka goes to school with him, she must know he's got a girlfriend, right?  I can understand a date on a bet, but actually pushing it when she knows he's involved?  That's not like her."

_Well,_ Misato thought, scratching her head as the blonde stood, _she doesn't technically KNOW that Shinji's got a girlfriend…_

"Just keep an eye on her," Ritsuko advised, shrugging slightly, "could also just be a rough period or something, who knows?  If it slides too far, we'll bring her in for some more tests… until then, she's well above the minimums, and the Commander wouldn't be pleased with the idea of wasting time on useless tests."

Misato was about to counter that it was not useless if it helped Asuka, when her door slid open.  "Agent Kaji," she murmured coolly, "how can I help you?"

"Just needed to talk to you," Kaji replied easily, nodding to Ritsuko.  "Got a sec?"

Ritsuko glanced from the pony-tailed man to the operations director and back again.  "Well," she said briskly, "I can see that you two have… something to talk about, so I'll just be on my way."

Misato nodded, never taking her eyes off of Kaji.  "What do you want?" she asked as soon as the blonde had made her exit.  "I'm very busy."

"So I see," Kaji muttered, stepping in and letting the door close behind him.  "Busy making a fool of yourself and still dating-"

"If that's all you came for," Misato cut in archly, rising to her feet and pointing to the door, "you can leave now."

"No," Kaji said firmly, "I really want to know something."

"What?" Misato snapped.

"Just tell me, Katsuragi," the man said dryly, "is he that good?"  He folded his arms, pressing harder as the woman shifted her feet.  

"Damn it!" the operations director exploded, "What the hell is your problem?!  I've told you we-"

"He seems pretty timid," Kaji observed, overriding the woman's attempts to protest.  "I'll bet he likes you on top, am I right?"

"We…" Misato struggled.  "We don't…"

"Oh wait!" Kaji exclaimed, "Maybe I'm wrong!  Maybe, since he's so quiet everywhere else, he likes to be in charge in the bedroom – yeah, that fits!  I'll bet he makes you call him sir, doesn't he?"

Misato closed her eyes, shivering at the surprisingly powerful mental image of Shinji dominating her.

"Tell me something though," Kaji lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.  "Has he found that one spot yet, Katsuragi?  You know – the one spot you can only get to if your legs are up and he's really, really deep… the one that always – always – makes you scream?"

"Stop…"

"Aww," Kaji teased, "you're shy now?"  He frowned as the woman sniffed, wiping her eyes quickly with her palms.

"I don't… do that with him," she said unevenly, wondering why this man always got under her skin, brushing past her emotional defenses as if they did not exist.

Kaji scowled.  "Why?  Because he likes doing it from behind?"

Misato paled.  "How can you talk about him like that?" she asked, shaking slightly with a mix of anger and arousal.  "He's never said a mean thing to or about you, Kaji… how can you talk about him like he's dirty – how can you be like that?"

"If he's dirty," the man replied coldly, "it's because you made him that way, Misato.  You're the one who should be ashamed of yourself – you're taking advantage of him, plain and simple."

"I'm not…" Misato took a deep breath.  "For the last time – I am _not_ fucking him, Kaji!"

"Yeah… right."

The woman's shoulders slumped.  "It's true," she whispered, "I… keep thinking about it, though – God, I had a dream three nights ago that he was going down on me, and I woke up sweating…"  She shook her head slowly.  "But I haven't… we… he hasn't even tried to touch me – do you understand?  We've been dating for almost two month, and all we've done is kiss…" she blushed guiltily, "well… and ground a little, but that's it."

"I think you're full of shit," Kaji told her flatly.  "I know you, Misato… when we dated all we did was fuck."

"I know," she replied softly, "but Shinji… I want to be with him the right way, Kaji – I want to be good again."

"So you're using him."

Misato's eyes snapped closed… but she did not – could not – reply to his accusation.

"You know," Kaji said pityingly, "I think this might be worse.  If you were at least fucking him, he'd have something he could look back at with fondness, instead of some fake… what… why are you smiling?"

"That was always your problem," Misato said softly, shaking her head slowly, "everything always had to be so deep.  A kiss could never be just a kiss… a date could never be just a date… you always had to have something deeper – well guess what?  Sometimes it takes people some time to decide if being together works.  Not everyone jumps in with both feet, hoping for the best, Kaji…"

"Well Shinji's got that time I guess," Kaji muttered quietly, "he's _fourteen_ after all."

Misato kept her smile firmly in place, though it was a struggle not to break under her old lover's harsh words.  "He is," she confirmed levelly, "and you know what?"

"What?" Kaji snorted, "He's the sweetest little thing you ever saw?"

"No," Misato murmured, a tear slipping from each eye as she turned from him, "at fourteen he's twice the man you'll ever be, and do you want to know why?  Because he's _good_ to me – even though we're only just seeing if it'll work, he treats me like a lady…" she lowered her voice, "not a whore."

She tensed as Kaji's arms slid around her waist.  "I never treated you like that," he whispered.

Misato clenched her eyes closed.  "You are now."

The man sighed.  "God, I'm sorry," he muttered.  "Do you have any idea how hard it is to see you with another man?"

"Don't," Misato whispered, pulling away from him, "don't try to pretend that this is just jealousy, Kaji…"

Kaji pursued her.  "You know how I feel about you," he told her.

"You never once told me," Misato reminded him, trying to push back as he embraced her again.

"What, that I love you?"

Misato inhaled sharply.

"That's it, huh?" Kaji chuckled.  "Just because I never said it, even though you knew it was true… that's why you're still mad."

"That's… not it," Misato protested weakly.  "When we broke up, there were… other reasons…"  She shivered as the man leaned closer, pressing himself against her back.

"So," he whispered, holding her tightly, "you know how I feel about you… why are you surprised that I'm upset about you being close to someone else?  I never… stopped… caring for you…"

"Let me go," Misato breathed.

"Never."

"Kaji, I mea-mmmmm…"

She trembled as familiar lips pressed against hers, gently reminding her of passions past.  Confident fingers caressed her stomach… then her breast, hitting all of the places that excited her most and drawing a soft moan from her.  Opening her mouth to allow his tongue in was such a programmed response that she never even hesitated.

"Please…" she gasped, pulling free and covering her mouth with her hand.

Kaji made no move to embrace her again, instead starting for the door.  He paused on the threshold, whispering, "Think about it, Katsuragi… I won't give you anymore shit for…" his lip twisted up with distaste, "dating Shinji… but when you're ready for something _real_ again, you know where to find me."

Misato opened her mouth, fully intent on telling him to go to hell, but no sound came forth.  As the door slid closed, she put her hands over her face and took a deep breath.  "Something real," she whispered, "fuck you, Kaji… fuck you…"

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, the Director of NERV operations strode quickly from her office and headed for her car, trying her best to forget just how nice it was to be kissed by someone that knew just what you liked.

**

Shinji woke to a soft knock on his door.  "Come in," he mumbled, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes in the dark.  He blinked as the door slid open, then closed, blinding him temporarily.  When his eyes readjusted, he frowned.  "What's wrong?" he asked uncertainly, trying not to stare too hard.

Misato stood just past the threshold, her hands bunching the fabric of her nightshirt.  "I had a bad dream," she whispered.

"Oh," Shinji nodded, "I see.  I'm sorry…"

There was a moment of awkward silence before Misato blurted, "Can I lie down with you?  Just for a little while?"

"Sure, yeah," Shinji said quickly, throwing back the covers.  "Sorry…"

Misato hesitantly made her way across the room and slid into bed beside the boy.  "Thank you," she whispered, pulling the covers up.

"Welcome," Shinji replied, closing his eyes.

Neither spoke for a moment as Misato shifted next to Shinji, seemingly trying to find a comfortable spot.  Shinji found himself growing pleasantly warm as the woman's movements occasionally brought soft parts of her body into contact with his arms, legs, and side, sending his imagination into a tailspin.  He tried very hard not to gasp as he felt Misato's thigh brushing his… but he could not stop himself as she turned onto her side and slowly put her right leg across his body, pressing her panties lightly into his hip.

"M-Misato?" he whispered, shivering as her right hand began making circles on his stomach.

"Shinji?" she replied, leaning closer and running her tongue slowly around the edge of his ear.

"Misato…" the boy squeaked.

"Shinji," Misato smiled in the dark, flattening her hand on his stomach and continuing to explore his ear.

Shinji's voice decided that this would be a good time to give up, so he simply lay still, shivering as the purple-haired woman flicked her tongue into his ear and began slowly pressing herself closer to him.  He froze entirely as Misato abruptly slid over on top of him and sat up, straddling him around the hips, and drew her shirt off, tossing it on the floor next to the bed.

"You're so cute," she whispered huskily.  _You're not like Kaji,_ she thought, _you don't push me away one minute and tell me you love me the next… you're always good to me, _she ran a hand over his shirt, then slid it up to caress his stomach, _so tonight… I'll be good to you…_

Finding himself totally unable to speak, Shinji just stared, mesmerized by the intense light in Misato's eyes as she slowly leaned forward, her hair tickling his shoulders as she pressed her body against his and planted a moist, hot kiss on his lips.  There were kisses, Shinji decided, and then there were _kisses_.

This was definitely the later.

Misato knew what men liked.  She readily admitted that every man was different, but she had found that there were certain, universal truths regarding the male breed.  She knew, for example, that if she lightly brushed her breasts against a man when she kissed him, odds were that he would enjoy it.  It was a very basic sexual equation, she decided: offer something the man wants, give him a little taste, and he will do the things you want.  Like buy you things.  Or do you favors.

Or comfort you when you need someone to hold you.

"Misato," Shinji managed to gasp finally.

"Shinji," the woman replied, loving this little game.  She leaned forward and kissed him again before he replied, delving her tongue deeper into his mouth than she ever had before and reaching out blindly to take his hand in hers.

"What…" Shinji panted when she let him go.  "What are you… I mean… I thought…"

Misato pulled back slightly, taking his other hand and lacing her fingers with his.  This movement ended with her breasts pressed tightly against his chest and her hands in his.  "It's ok," she said finally, kissing him again, "just relax a little, Shinji…ok?"

Shinji swallowed.  "What are we… going to do?" he whispered.

Misato hummed, shivering slightly as she realized that the heat between them was making them perspire, and that a thin film of sweat had developed on the places their bodies were touching.  "We're going to fool around," she told him mischievously, grinning broadly as she stroked her slick body against his.  "Don't be too loud… I don't want to wake Asuka."

Shinji very nearly swooned as Misato's stomach slipped easily against his, but the mention of Asuka's name made him pause.  He opened his mouth to say that maybe they should just talk for a bit, because he had a few things he wanted to ask… but then Misato was kissing him again, and he realized that she would not listen even if he did say anything, because that was not why she was there.

Much of that night would be recalled in bits and pieces, like fragments of a sweet, memorable dream.  Shinji would remember that there was heat, and sound, and softness, and a great deal of sweat, but trying to bring specifics to mind only produced vague images of Misato's smile… and her soft, unimaginably sexy moans.

He woke with a start the next morning, groaning as he looked at the clock and found that he was three hours late for school.  He wondered if Asuka had even tried to wake him, or if she had simply slipped out, too annoyed with him to even bother knocking on his door.

When he tried to sit up, Misato put her hand on his chest, whispering, "Don't."

Slowly lying back down, Shinji closed his eyes.  "Misato," he murmured, "last ni-"

"Can we… not talk about that?" Misato cut in quickly, pressing herself against his side and kissing his neck.  "Ok, Shinji?  Let's just… not talk about it right now…"

Entirely confused, Shinji nodded.

"Thank you," Misato whispered, kissing his shoulder and closing her eyes for a moment.  When she opened them, they held the look that Shinji had come to recognize as 'let's get down to business,' and with a sad little smile, she slipped out of bed.  "You should get to school," she said quietly, turning her back to him and picking up her shirt.  "You're already late, and don't forget we've got that sync test later.  Come on… I'll drive you today…"

Shinji sat up in bed, resting his hands listlessly on his thighs as the woman slipped her shirt on and started for his door.  He closed his eyes as the door slid open.  _What was it Kensuke said a couple weeks ago?_ He thought suddenly, _He was talking about jeeps, right?  Yeah… something about how the latest military model lacked traction when the ground was too slippery._  He put his head in his hands and drew a deep breath._ God, how pathetic – I'm comparing what happened last night to my friend's war talk._

He drew his palms down his face, absently wiping the dampness that collected in them onto the bedspread, and got to his feet.  "Maybe Kaji can give me some advice," he murmured, slipping into his pants and opening his dresser in search of a clean undershirt, "he used to… be with Misato – maybe he can tell me why she keeps…" his shoulders slumped, "why she keeps pushing me away.  And Asuka's always talking about him, so maybe he knows why she's mad at me, too."

With a sigh, he finished dressing, the decision firmly in his mind to find Kaji later in the day and ask him what he should do about his relationship with Misato.

Continued…

Author's notes:  

With Asuka's sync ratio sliding and Kaji's confession, Misato begins seeking more of Shinji's time and attention… but what effect will this have on the Third Child's life?  And when the angel of the sky is defeated, why is the Commander complimenting Misato?

Find out in the next chapter:  Dodging Bullets

Thanks going out to LeperMessiah for pre-read assistance.  Much appreciated, amigo.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	9. Week 9: Dodging Bullets

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 9:  Dodging Bullets

Shinji cast an uneasy glance at Asuka as the three pilots stood waiting for word from the Commander.  _I think I can hear her back cracking from here,_ he thought, trying not to let her see him staring, _I've never seen her 'this' tense._

Asuka's back _was_ very straight, and her hands were clasped behind her back in the old American style of military attention.  Her crystalline eyes were locked with Misato's chocolate brown ones, seemingly trying to make the woman look away out of sheer willpower.

"Trouble making a connection?" the redhead asked quietly.

Misato shook her head, her eyes never wavering.  "Satellite uplink is just taking a minute," she murmured, "no need to get antsy."

"Who's antsy?" Asuka returned levelly.  "I was just thinking of your position, Captain… I'd hate for you to be reprimanded for your tardiness."

"Your concern is noted," Misato said dryly, "but I think the Commander is aware of the time required for a connection to Antarctica."

"Hmm."

As the conversation died, Shinji stole a glance at Rei.  _She hasn't even said a word,_ he thought, looking back to Misato.  _In fact…__ I don't think she's even spoken to me since that whole, 'are you sleeping with Asuka' thing.  I hope she's not mad at ME – I didn't do anything…_

"Connection in fifty seconds, Captain," the disembodied voice of Hyouga Makoto announced, "stand by."

Shinji squared his shoulders unconsciously.

"It's going to be sound only," Misato grinned, "all of you can relax a bit."

Shinji blushed, wondering if it was his imagination, or if Misato's smile lingered a bit longer when she looked at him.

"Noted."

Misato's smile collapsed entirely at the wintry tone in Asuka's voice.  "Or," she said flatly, "you can hyperextend your spine like Asuka, and-"

"Connection established."

"Commander Ikari," Misato said, speaking clearly as a holographic square appeared in the air in front of her.  "As requested, all pilots are present, sir."

"I see," Gendou's voice replied, a faint sound of waves in the background, "outstanding job, Captain."

In spite of her earlier assurances, Misato straightened.  "Thank you sir," she said crisply, "but I'm afraid that Unit 01's arm sustained damages to the right arm.  I take full responsibility."

"No," the Commander answered smoothly, "destroying angels is EVA's purpose… make sure it is repaired immediately, and consider yourself promoted to Major."

In spite of her training, and the rumors that a promotion was in the air, Misato gasped.  "S-sir??"

"There is a problem?" Gendou murmured, his tone clearly displaying irritation.

"Well… no," Misato managed, "but I…Shinji was the one that caught the angel – shouldn't he be recognized somehow?  I just came up with the pla-"

"Major."

"Sir?"

There was a moment of silence, then Gendou spoke, his tone now clearly amused.  "It has not escaped my attention that the Third Child's sync ratio has increased over the last nine weeks.  Your rise to Major is not based on this battle alone."  When Misato admitted that she did not understand, the Commander simply replied, "Carry on, Major, and consider your… contributions, recognized.  Dismissed."

Misato paled as the square blinked out of existence.  Slowly, she glanced around, finding the three Children in varying states.  Shinji looked as if he did not _quite_ understand – or did not want to understand – what his father was talking about, though she was sure it would sink in very soon.  Rei's face wore its usual indifference, but her eyes were carefully assessing Shinji, a glimmer of what looked like understanding in their red depths.  And Asuka… Asuka was furious.

"Contributions, huh?" the redhead whispered angrily.  "No wonder his sync rate's been going up – you've been training him behind my back, you bitch!"

"No!" Misato said quickly.  "I'm not training him behind your back, Asuka, the Commander was talking about… something else."

"Oh sure," Asuka growled, "he just _happened_ to mention Shinji right before promoting you – I'm not stupid!"

"You're jumping to conclusions," Misato said flatly, nervous that the redhead was so close to the _right_ conclusion, "when the hell would I have time to train him, huh?  In that twenty minutes every other day when he gets home before you?  You think I drive him over to NERV for a quick sync test and shooting range run and get him home right before you walk up the street?  You _are_ being stupid!  Use your head!"  
  


"Where are you going?" the redhead demanded as Rei abruptly turned and walked towards the door.

"To shower," the blue-haired girl answered calmly, "Commander Ikari dismissed us."

"Yes he did," Misato said firmly, "you two go get cleaned up – you're obviously stressed about what happened, and you're not thinking straight, so go get cleaned up and we'll head home."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Asuka snapped.  "I'd rather walk."

"You'll do what you're told," Misato snarled, "or we'll see how well you pilot Unit 02 with handcuffs on!"

It was an empty threat.  Asuka knew it, Shinji and Rei knew it, even Misato herself knew it… but the mention of Unit 02 seemed to serve as a reminder of just why everyone was there, and what the ultimate goal everyone strove for was.

"I hate you," Asuka whispered, turning sharply on her heel and moving for the door, "and you," she said, pausing to glare at Shinji, "you stay away from me, Shinji… I'd rather walk to school alone than with a backstabber like you."

The two female pilots walked out without another word, leaving Shinji and Misato alone.  "Well," the woman took a shuddering breath, "that was close…"

Shinji's eyes were fixed on the door, a look of misery and shame on his face as he whispered, "Did… _did_ I betray her, Misato?"

Slowly, the purple-haired woman walked over to him and slid her arms over his shoulders, keeping her eyes on the door just in case.  "No," she whispered, kissing the top of his right ear, "you didn't do anything wrong, Shinji… you're… good."

Shinji blushed as the woman ran her hands over his chest and closed her lips around his earlobe.  "M-Misato?" he asked, his voice shaking as he recalled the intense evening of the prior week.

"Shinji," Misato whispered, pulling him back against her breasts.

_We're all alone,_ she thought, eying the lock on the door as she considered the day's events and nibbled gently on his ear, _maybe… just a little…_  She blinked as the boy turned in her arms, embracing her and leaning up to kiss her.  _Keep it under control!_ She thought frantically, allowing the boy to give her a light kiss before pulling back out of his reach, _Ok… now let him go shower before you make a mistake._

Shinji bowed his head as the woman stepped out of his arms.

"Let's get going," she said amicably, "you need a shower, and I've got papers to file – and I wanna get home!"  She patted his shoulder gently.  "Maybe we can stay up late and watch a movie on the couch, you wanna?"

Somehow managing a smile, the boy nodded.  "That would be great," he said weakly.

"Good."

Following her out, Shinji glanced over his shoulder.  _Why did I even try?_ He thought sadly, _Stupid… so stupid – just… just never try to show her that you care, because every time you do that, she stops cold._  His shoulders slumped as he faced forward once more.  _I wish I'd talked to Kaji last week,_ he mused, never realizing that he dodged a bullet by keeping his silence. _ I couldn't even say more than hi when I saw him – just the idea that… that she was so close to him, and she doesn't want to be close to me… I couldn't even say more than hi…_

Fetching a deep, quiet sigh, Shinji headed for the locker room, thinking that he might be getting a feel for how the woman's mind worked.  But he was to be confounded as he was awakened in the early hours of the morning by Misato's light knock and the ensuing repeat of the closeness they had shared the week before… though again, the morning was the same.

**

"Hey Ikari," Hikari's tone was soft as the boy took his seat, "are you, umm… ok?"

Shinji nodded, dropping into his seat and casting a weary glance at Asuka.  "I'm alright," he whispered, finding the Second Child staring straight ahead and pointedly ignoring him.

"Really," the class rep pressed with some concern, "you don't look so good… come on, let's go to the nurse's station."

"But I'm ok," Shinji protested, "I'm just… a little tired."

"Well, still, I think you should-"

"He's fine."

Hikari looked over her shoulder uncertainly as Asuka cut in coldly.

"I said he's fine," she repeated, her eyes flashing.  "He's tired from trying too hard to be number one, so he deserves what he gets."

"Oh," Hikari mumbled, blushing as her friend stared her down.

"Thanks, Horaki…"

HIkari blinked, looking back to find Shinji smiling wanly.  "Ummm… sure…" she whispered.  "No problem, just… watching out for class members, like I'm supposed to…"

Shinji nodded, yawning, "You're doing a good job."

The girl laughed softly.  "So are you, Ikari… and so is Asuka… and Ayanami.  It's me that should be saying thanks."

"He doesn't do anything," Asuka said quietly.  "He just keeps ending up in the right place at the right time – I've seen him pilot… he's not that good."

Unsure of how to answer this, Hikari glanced at Shinji, mouthing, 'sorry.'

The Third Child did not see her.  His arms were folded on his desk, and he was sleeping fitfully.  _Poor guy,_ Hikari thought pityingly, _all that pressure… and now Asuka's mad at you?  I'd be tired too…_

Shinji slept undisturbed until the end of class, completely unaware as Hikari told the teacher firmly, but respectfully, that he had a note excusing him from class, but that he had felt obligated to arrive anyway.  He did not get to see the class rep carefully explain that the note was in his pocket, and that she did not want to wake him as he was clearly exhausted.  He was also spared the rough language that Asuka used to describe her friend's traitorous actions, and the brown-haired girl's staunch defense, based largely around the idea that Asuka should understand better than anyone how tired he was.

Indeed, the entire day was lost to Shinji, and when he awoke, with the sun slowly falling from the sky, the classroom was practically empty. The only student he could see, since she had taken the seat next to him to wait, was his current guardian angel.

"Morning," Hikari said quietly, "sleep well?"

Groaning, the boy put a hand on his neck and lifted his head.  "Y-yeah," he managed, "but I… should have slept on the floor… what time is it?"

"You would have gotten trampled when the bell rang," Hikari said gently, "it's five fifty."

"That late??" Shinji murmured, rubbing his neck.  "That means I slept all day!"

"Guess it does," Hikari said lightly, "but you looked like you needed it, Ikari."

"Guess I did…" the boy admitted, trying to remember exactly what time it was when Misato had decided they were done.

_I don't understand,_ he thought tiredly, _four days… she's come to my room four days in a row, and we've… done a lot, but every time I try to do something that's not her idea, or kiss her when she's not expecting it – bam! That's it…_  He put his head in his hands, _I'm not pushing her to have sex… but if she keeps pushing it that way herself, what am I supposed to think do – pretend I don't notice?  Keep my hands to myself?  What does she want?_

"Hey Ikari?"

"Yeah?" Shinji looked up.

"I saved you some of my lunch," Hikari said quietly, setting a bento on his desk, "you didn't have one with you."  She shushed him as he opened his mouth, obviously meaning to protest.  "Not a word," she said softly, "eat, Shinji… you need it."  She waited until he reluctantly picked up the chopsticks, then nodded.  "Don't misunderstand," she whispered, blushing faintly, "I'm not… you know, trying to… I mean…"

Shinji smiled down at the bento.  _Three months ago,_ he thought ironically, _I would have no idea what she was trying to say… but now…_

"I understand… you're not trying to ask me out or anything – you're the class rep, and I didn't get lunch…"

"Well," Hikari said timidly, "I think… it's more… you're my friend."

Shinji paused, slowly lowering his chopsticks into the bento and rising.

"What?" Hikari blinked, "What are you… stop that!"  She blushed terribly as the boy bowed.  "Shinji… please… you don't have to-"

"Thank you," Shinji cut in softly, retaking his seat, "I'm glad I can say you're a friend… I never would have tried to claim that if you hadn't said it first…"

"You're… embarrassing me…" Hikari mumbled, staring at the floor to hide the pleased smile on her face.

"No one's here," Shinji shrugged, grinning as he added, "besides, I-"

"Ikari."

  
The two students jumped, quite literally, as Rei's soft, whispery voice came to them.

"Ayanami," Hikari paled, "you've… you didn't leave with the others?!"

"I did not," Rei confirmed, staring directly at the other girl.

"But it's been two and a half hours!"

"Yes."

When the blue-haired girl said nothing else, Shinji cleared his throat.  "Were you waiting for me?" he asked quietly.

Rei nodded.  "Yes."

"I'll… get your bento back to you tomorrow, ok?" Shinji asked slowly.

"S-sure," Hikari shivered, "later."  She hurried out of the classroom, feeling shaken by the suddenly heavy atmosphere as the two pilots regarded one another.

Shinji frowned slightly as they sat in silence.  "Want some?" he asked finally, gesturing to the lunchbox.

"I… dislike eating meat," Rei said softly.

"Oh…"  Shinji fidgeted for a moment before asking, "Then… what did you need, Ayanami?"

The blue-haired girl rose to her feet and approached him, her crimson eyes regarding him closely as she whispered, "I would like to ask you some questions regarding your relationship with Major Katsuragi."

By the time the two Children finally left school, it was well past dark.

Continued…

Author's Notes:  What did Rei ask Shinji?  More importantly, why is he spending the night at her house days later as a result?  And how will Misato react to this development?

Find out in the next chapter: Pulling Punches 

Pre-read was done by LeperMessiah.  Thanks, young man.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	10. Week 10: Pulling Punches

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 10: Pulling Punches

"Hey Third," Asuka's quiet call woke Shinji from the light doze he had fallen into, "phone call."

"Coming," the boy croaked, clearing his throat as he raised his head from his desk.

"Hurry up," came the terse reply, "I'm not going to stand here all day."

Shinji stumbled over to the door, sliding it open as a yawn forced its way out of him.  "Thanks," he said, bowing slightly to the girl and holding his hand out for the phone.

_How long has it been since she started avoiding me?_ he thought as the redhead pressed the phone into his hand and turned away, _Two weeks?  Three…?  She doesn't even walk with me anymore…_

He watched her retreating form for a moment, sighing deeply as she cast him a narrow, disapproving backward glance as she vanished into the living room.  "Hello," he said tiredly, putting the phone up to his ear.

There was a moment of quiet, then a soft voice whispered, "Ikari."

"Ayanami…?"

"Yes."

Shinji slipped back into his room, closing the door as quietly as he could.  "What do you need, Ayanami?" he whispered, his mind insisting that of all times, this would be the one Asuka chose to run to his door and listen in.

_That's all I need right now,_ he thought as he waited for a reply, _first the thing with Misato and Father after the angel, then this… man, she' probably think everyone is out to get her._

"You asked me to call you," Rei's voice informed him.

Shinji blinked.  "Oh…" he frowned, recalling that he had indeed suggested a call, "so then, ummm… tonight?"

"Yes," the First responded immediately, "I think tonight would be the best time."

The boy closed his eyes.  "You're still sure you want this?" he asked, "I mean I said I would… but if you don't want to anymore."

"I have no reason not to proceed," Rei said coolly.

There was a long, awkward moment of silence.  "And you still want me to stay the night?" Shinji asked finally, resting his head against the wall and closing his eyes.

"Yes," Rei replied, "it would be the most reasonable course of action, considering the time you will arrive."

"Yeah," Shinji sighed, "you're right."

"Yes.  Goodbye."

Shinji clicked the phone off and shook his head.  "Someone needs to teach that girl how to talk," he muttered, conveniently ignoring the irony of his statement as he slid his door open.

"Like you're one to talk."

"Ah!" Shinji jumped as he found Asuka standing just on the other side of his door.  "A-Asuka!  How… how long have you-"

"Oh get a hold of yourself," the redhead grumbled, "I just got here… and I wouldn't listen to a conversation between you and the doll even if you paid me."

"So, ummm…" the boy stammered, "then… what do you ne-"

"I don't _need_ anything," Asuka said calmly, cutting him off in mid-sentence, "but Misato said to wake her if she wasn't up by five, and I don't want to – so you can."

Shinji glanced at Misato's door.  "I can do that," he said quietly.

"Yeah," Asuka said dryly, "I know it's not up to your usual standard of saving the world or anything, but if you could manage it, that would be greaaaaaaat," she extended the last syllable for well over five seconds.

The Third Child blushed.  "Why… why are you…"

"Why am I what, Shinji?" the girl prompted as he trailed off.  "Why am I mad? I know your memory's not _that_ short!"

Shinji shook his head.  "I was just going to ask why you you're all dressed up," he lied, thankful that he had another topic to keep him from looking any stupider than he already did.

_Yes,_ he thought dismally, _I know why you're mad – you made it pretty clear that I'm nothing…_

"I'm going on a date," the redhead informed him.  "Hikari's sister Kodama is introducing me to a guy she goes to school with."  She frowned.  "She said she'd been thinking about it for a while, and she was going to wait for the carnival that's happening in a few weeks… but for some reason she decided now would be better."  She shrugged slightly.  "So whatever."

"You look… nice…" Shinji managed, noticing that the Second Child was wearing the same outfit that she had chosen for their date.

Asuka pursed her lips.  "I'm leaving now," she said after a moment of quiet.

Shinji sighed as she turned and headed straight for the door.  "Have fun…"

"Yeah," Asuka mumbled, slipping her shoes on, "I've got other plans."

**

Misato groaned discontentedly as she was shaken awake.  "G'way…" she grumbled, trying to bury her face in the pillow, "tired…"

"Come on, Misato," Shinji's voice insisted softly, "it's after five… you said you wanted to be awake…"

"Oh yeah…" the woman smiled, getting her bearings for a moment before acting, "that's right… because five is when…"

"When what?" Shinji asked, leaning closer.

"Asuka leaves."

Shinji yelped in surprise as the woman rolled onto her back, grasping the front of his shirt and yanking him into bed with her.  Since she had been asleep for a few hours, she spared him her morning breath and simply kissed his cheek.  "Don't move," she whispered.

The Third Child nodded, looking slightly dazed as she slipped out of bed and into the bathroom.  _Ahhh__…_ the woman thought happily, splashing a little water on her face, _a little quick brushing… use the bathroom real quick… and then…_ She grinned into the mirror as she put a dab of toothpaste on her brush.

"Then a little Shinji time."

When she came out of the bathroom a few moments later, Shinji was sitting on the edge of her bed, fidgeting idly with her cross pendant.  "Can I… talk to you about something?" he asked hesitantly.

"In a minute," Misato replied lightly, putting her hands on his shoulders, "but before you say a word, I want a kiss."

Even if Shinji wanted to say a word, she did not give him the chance.  _Wish I could wake up like this every morning,_ Misato thought as she gently pushed the boy down onto her bed and kissed him, _as long as it stays like this, and I didn't screw things up… mornings would be the best time of day._

Kissing Shinji, she could feel the urge to escalate things, but the issue of control made its presence known, reminding her that she had begun this relationship with the idea of keeping things from getting too wild too fast.  An occasional… closeness was ok, she reasoned, provided it did not become a regular event, or get too intense. Then everything would be just fine. 

Of course, she was not the only player on the field. 

"Mmmm," Misato hummed, breaking the kiss as Shinji's hands moved down over her rear, "naughty…"

Shinji blushed as she slipped out of his arms and sat on the bed next to him.  _Ok,_ he thought uncertainly, _so that was a bad idea._

Sitting up next to her he reluctantly murmured, "I've gotta go out in a while…"

"Out?" Misato echoed, "Where?  You don't have school… nothing's going on at NERV tonight…" she laid her hand on his knee, "Asuka's gone… and I'm…" she lowered her voice, leaning closer to kiss his chin, "all yours…"

_Are you?_

Shinji closed his eyes, knowing he could not avoid what he was about to say.  "Ayanami asked me to come over tonight."

He could hear Misato's breath catch in her throat… but when he opened his eyes, he found her covering her mouth with one hand.  "Are you… trying to make me jealous?" she giggled, "I mean… you couldn't think of anyone better than _REI??_"

"I'm… serious," Shinji frowned as the woman started laughing, "Misato… I'm serious!"

"Right, right," Misato laughed, shaking her head, "Rei Ayanami asked you to come spend the night at her house – too funn-"

"She did."

Misato blinked, her smile freezing as she looked at Shinji's collected features.  "Ok," she said finally, "it was funny at first, Shinji – you got me… good one."

"I said I'd be over there around eight," Shinji said quietly, finding it much easier to be angry at her derisiveness than embarrassed by his announcement.  "So I'll be leaving in a few minutes."

Misato's expression gradually changed from amused (and just slightly irritated) to guarded and wary.  "Oh really now," she said coolly, "and you don't think I'll have a problem with that?"

Shinji blushed.  "It's… not like it's a date or anythi-"

"Like Asuka?"

The boy flinched.  "It's not what you think…"

"I'm sure," Misato said, trying to maintain her cool, "two teenagers in a one-bedroom apartment all night – why would I think anything of it?"  Abruptly, she shifted the focus of her attack.  "Come on," she said softly, leaning against him and resting her head on his shoulder, "don't go.  I want to be alone with you for a while, Shinji… don't go…"  She ran one finger idly around the collar of his shirt.  "Ok?"

"I already said I would," Shinji said carefully.  "There's nothing going on, Misato, but I did say I would-"

"No," Misato cut in.  In one swift motion she swung her right leg over and straddled him, cradling his head in her hands.  "Nonononononono… stay home… stay with me…"  She began planting small kisses all over his face, slowly pressing her body against him, "Stay with me tonight, Shinji… stay… stay… stay…"

"Misato," Shinji murmured, letting her tilt his head back and kiss his neck, "I… I promised, Misato…"

"Mmmm…" Misato ran her tongue over his neck, deftly slipping the top three buttons of his shirt free.  "Tell her something came up…" she whispered, nipping gently at his collarbone, "I don't want you to go tonight, Shinji…"

"N-no, Misato," Shinji managed, inhaling sharply as her right hand slowly slid down to rest in his lap.

"I'll make it worth your time," Misato winked seductively, teasing him with her fingertips, "like last week, only much…" she lowered her voice to a whisper, "much better…"

Shinji let out a soft moan as her fingers slid up to his zipper, grasping the tab and slowly starting to draw it down.  "D-don't…" he gasped, putting his hand over hers and stopping her.  "Don't, Misato… I promised her I would be there – I can't just-"

"Oh fine!" the woman burst out, frustration evident in her voice as she rolled off of him and folded her arms over her breasts.  "Go then!"

"Don't be mad, please?" Shinji begged.  "Ok?  It's really nothing…"

"Who – me?" Misato muttered sarcastically.  "I'm not mad… it's ok with me if my _boyfriend_ goes over to another girl's house to spend the night – why would _that_ bother me!?"

"I told you," Shinji whispered, slowly zipping his pants back up, "it's not-"

"…what you think," Misato finished tiredly, rubbing her forehead, "yeah right – then tell me why you're going."

"I… I can't."

"You just don't want to be with me," Misato said softly, completely aware of how petulant she sounded, "why don't you just say it."

"I _do_ want to be with you," Shinji said firmly, a pained expression crossing his face, "please, Misato… please trust me."  He put his hand on hers.  "After… last week, you should know how I fee-"

Misato abruptly rose to her feet.  "There's a sync test tomorrow at eleven," she said hollowly.

Shinji bowed his head as she walked from the room.  "I'll be there…" he sighed to himself, leaning back on her bed and covering his face with his palms.

**

Shinji made his way through the darkened halls with heavy, ponderous steps.  

_"Go then!"_

_Why are we stuck like this?_ He thought, stepping over a small pile of unread mail in front of apartment 408.  _I just feel like she wants… something, but I don't know what!  I told her this wasn't what she thought.  Why can't she trust me?  We got so… close last week…_

He finally reached Rei's door, standing in front of it in silence as he continued to ponder his situation.  "I know why she's mad…" he whispered, glancing briefly at the broken doorbell as a memory of Rei's naked body skipped through his mind.  "So I guess… I'll just have to tell her the truth when I get back."  He shrugged, knocking lightly on the door.  "It was too complicated to…"

He trailed off as Rei opened the door, clad only in her white school shirt and a pair of plain white panties.

Finding nothing else to say, Shinji simply murmured, "I'm here."

Rei nodded and turned away.  "I am almost ready," she whispered.

Shinji closed his eyes as the blue-haired girl began undoing the buttons on her shirt.  _I mustn't run away…_

Opening his eyes, Shinji stepped into the apartment and closed the door.

Continued…

Author's Notes:  Catching Rei alone before the sync test, Misato asks her outright what happened between her and Shinji – what kind of reply could have the Major at a loss for words?  And in the calm following Iruel's defeat, will she and Shinji finally break through to the next level?  Or will fear and uncertainty continue to hold their emotions in check?

Find out in the next chapter:  Getting Close

Pre-read on this Week was done by LeperMessiah… who, I hear, prefers the company of men. :P

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	11. Week 11: Getting Close

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 11:  Getting Close 

"Where the Hell are they?!"

Kaji leaned further back in the chair he had commandeered from Maya Ibuki, and laced his hands behind his head as he watched the woman pace back and forth.  "It's only ten thirty five," he pointed out easily, "get a grip."

"Oh bite me," Misato grumbled, "and why are you here??"

"It's my job to know what's going on," Kaji replied lightly, "and I like looking at your cans, so I find excuses to stare at them."

The operations director snorted.  "I'd watch it if I were you," she muttered, "this isn't college – and if I find any reason to, I'm going to put my foot up your ass."

"Misato."

"Hmm?"

"Eh, it's nothing really," Kaji shrugged, a lazy smile appearing on his face, "it just hit me all of the sudden how cute you are when you get all worked up.  Kinda makes me nostalgic."

"Kaji."

"Hmm?"

"Shut up."

Kaji laughed.  "Getting cuter, Katsuragi."

"Oooo!!" Misato growled, trying to ignore the man. "Where _are_ they??"  A soft chuckle from Kaji drew her attention.  "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Kaji grinned, "I just think it's funny that you don't even know your own pilots."  Seeing the confusion on her face, he pointed.  "Rei's standing right behind you – she's been there since you threatened to… how did you put it?  Oh yeah, put your foot up my ass."

"Oh ha ha," Misato muttered, "I think I'd have seen Rei-"

"Major."

Misato jumped.  "No way!"

She turned to find the First Child standing behind her, already dressed in her plugsuit.

"Ikari is changing."

_Boy that's a loaded statement,_ Kaji and Misato thought at the same time.

"What… happened to your hair, Rei?" Misato queried uncertainly.

The red-eyed girl blinked.  "I had it cut," she said softly.

"Yes, I can see that," Misato rolled her eyes.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was not aware I needed your authorization," Rei murmured.

"Is she just trying to be irritating?" Misato asked Kaji, speaking out of the corner of her mouth as she regarded the girl.

Rei's hair no longer covered her ears.  In fact, Misato noticed, it barely touched the tops of her ears.  In addition to shortening it, the girl had apparently chosen to have it restyled… and Misato could not decide if she approved or not.  It appeared to be the same style, upon first inspection, but after a more thorough examination it became clear that this was a rather radical change.  

No longer was it parted in the middle, instead coming over from the right to the left, the bangs still covering her forehead, but in a thinner, shorter arrangement – allowing more of the girl's porcelain complexion to show through.  The entire style whispered of ease and casualness, bringing to mind an image of the girl getting out of bed, running her fingers briefly through her hair, then heading out the door without a care in the world.

"Ahem."

Both women turned their attention to Kaji as he rose to his feet and bowed.  "Miss Ayanami," he said seriously, "you look… lovely."

Rei returned his bow, her hair now unable to hide the faint blush on her cheeks.

Misato frowned, giving Kaji a significant glance.  "Well," the man sighed reluctantly, knowing there would be blood if he ignored the hint, "guess I'll see what's taking Shinji so long.  Back in a few."

Misato waited until the man left before saying, "I know you don't waste time when you talk, so I'll extend you the same courtesy."  She took a deep breath.  "What happened last night, Rei?"

"Ikari stayed the night with me," Rei replied immediately.

"Yes, I know," Misato said calmly, "why?"

"Because I asked him to," came the placid reply.

"Rei," Misato said quietly, "as your superior officer, I am going to ask you once more – why did Shinji spend the night with you last night… and did you sleep with him?"

Rei considered her reply for a minute before speaking.  "I asked him to spend the night because I wished to know him better.  I once promised to protect him, Major, and I felt my capability of doing so would be increased if I was more aware of his concerns and feelings."  She tilted her head to the side.  "Ikari slept on a sleeping mat by the side of my bed," she said quietly, "he would not sleep on the mattress with me, as it would not have been appropriate."  She met the Major's eyes.  "We did not have intercourse."

"Well, ummm… that's… very concise…" Misato stammered.  "Is that… all that happened?  He just came over and talked and you guys went to bed?"

"No," the girl corrected, "Ikari arrived, I removed my shirt to allow-"

"You what??"

"-him to cut my hair without generating a mess," Rei continued as if Misato had not spoken.  "When he had finished, we ate, and talked, and then went to sleep.  That is the sequence of events, Major."

The older woman's eyes wandered to the girl's blue hair once more.  "Shinji did it…?" she whispered, not truly knowing what else to say.  Certainly, it was not the best haircut (she could see a few uneven places, even standing several feet from the girl) but it was far from the worst.

"Yes ma'am," Rei confirmed, adding, "with scissors and a pair of clippers equipped with a number 2 guard."

Feeling a great sense of relief, Misato asked, "Do you like how it came out?"

Rei frowned faintly.  "It is… shorter than we had discussed, but it is acceptable."

"I see," Misato laughed.  "Well, Kaji's right – it is lovely."

"Major."

"Yes, Rei?"

Rei hesitated.  "You asked as a superior officer…" she reminded her slowly, "so I am compelled to tell you that the reason I asked Ikari to speak with me was my concern over your relationship with him."

Misato's jaw dropped open.  "Are you kidding me??"

The blue-haired girl was not smiling.  "No, ma'am," she said, shaking her head for emphasis, "I was concerned by the change in Ikari's attitude over the past two and a half months, from withdrawn, to outgoing, and back to withdrawn, with no visible explanation."  She ignored Misato's sputtering attempt to cut in and concluded, "My initial instinct was that he was engaged in a relationship with pilot Souryu, but when this was not the case, my next speculation was you."

"Me?" Misato murmured, "Why me?"

"It was the next logical conclusion."

"I see," the operations director mused, "well, I can assure you that there is nothing inappropriate between Shinji and I, and I think it would be best if you were to stay out of my affairs."

"Your affairs are not my concern," Rei returned promptly, "Ikari's are.  Further," she continued, "he has already confirmed the existence of your relationship, and-"

"He just told you?!?!" Misato exploded, "Just like that?!?!"

"He did not offer details," Rei said tactfully, "but when I asked if you and he were in a relationship, his reply was yes."

"Super," Misato spat, "is there anyone that doesn't know?!"

"I believe Doctor Akagi is still unaware," Rei whispered immediately.

"Arrghhh!!"

_At least Asuka doesn't know,_ Misato thought miserably, _Good Lord that girl would FREAK._

"Hey Misato."

The operations director jumped.  "Akagi!" she snapped, "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"You looked right at me when I came in!" Ritsuko huffed, "Get your head out of the clouds and…" she trailed off as her eyes lighted on Rei's hair.

"Shinji did it," Misato offered helpfully, wishing the doctor would give her five more minutes alone with the First Child.

"I… see…" the blonde murmured, absently reaching back and touching her own hair.  "So, ummm… anyway, sync test…"

"Yeeeees?" Misato grinned, enjoying seeing someone else off guard for a change.

"Rei's overdressed."

Misato sighed as the woman explained the particulars of the unusual test.  _It's gonna be one of those days,_ she thought tiredly, giving Shinji a brief, 'I know things are ok,' smile as he came into the room.  _Yeah… definitely one of those days…_

She had no idea.

**

Shinji's eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and the details of his ceiling were clearly visible to him as he lay gasping for breath, his body trembling as the bed's other occupant slowly slid up to nestle in at his side.

"Mmmm…" Misato hummed, resting her head on his chest, "that was alright, then?"  She laughed with delight as the boy nodded emphatically.  "Glad you approve," she whispered, nuzzling his neck.  "I think that's a suitable reward for waiting so patiently for us to get rid of the angel…"

_This is ok…_ she thought, _just a little for right now, because it's all… about… mmm… control…_

She caught Shinji's hand, meaning to move it from where it had come to a rest, but Shinji whispered, "Please?  Just for a minute?"

"Just… a minute…" Misato said reluctantly, keeping her hand over his.  "I don't want to… mmmm…"

_Yeah…_ she thought, stroking the back of his hand, _just for a… a minute… that would… be ok… Asuka's gone to Hikari's, so just… for a minute…_

"Is that good?" Shinji asked timidly, carefully exploring with his fingers.  "Am I doing ok?"

"Yes," Misato hummed, "that's juuuust right… mmmm…"

_Good?_ She thought, _Yeah, you COULD say that…mmm God – _

"Right there!  Yesss… uhnnn…"

Shinji gently caressed the point she indicated, wetting his lips and kissing her softly.  His reward was another soft moan as Misato's tongue slowly ran over his lips, the hand not covering his moving slowly over his chest.

_I love that he's gentle like this,_ Misato thought deliriously, her hands now moving completely of their own accord, _this shirt needs to go, though… yeah, that's better.  Now… mmm… just need to move… a little…_

Her eyes shot open and she gasped, as he realized what she was doing.  "I… need to go," she whispered desperately, gently pushing the boy back and sliding out from where she had pulled him atop her.  "S-sorry… I need to g-"

"Wait," Shinji said quickly, "please…"

Misato shook her head, grabbing her tee shirt off the floor and yanking it on, tearing the seam on the right shoulder.  "Can't... be here…" she gasped, trembling as she realized how out of control she was.

_God…_ she thought, shivering, _I was… why am I even here??_

"Misato!" Shinji cried, "Don't… don't go!"

"S-sorry…" the woman gasped, stumbling to the door and casting a regretful glance over her shoulder, "Shinji, I'm… I'm sorry.  I'm just not… I don't want to… I…"

"I understand," Shinji said quickly, holding his hand out to her, "we don't have to do… that tonight, just come back, ok?"

Agonized, Misato turned away.  "I'm sorry…"

Shinji's hand fell to the bed as she retreated.  "Idiot…" he whispered, clenching his eyes closed and focusing on controlling his breathing.  "What do you need, Misato?" he asked, his voice choked and uneven, "I thought… this is what you wanted…"  Slowly leaning back on his bed, he wiped his eyes.  "Just tell me what I'm supposed to do…"

Five minutes later, he was dreaming… lost in a world where nothing he did was right, and doors slammed in his face every time he tried to step through.

In her room, Misato could hear her heart as it hammered in her chest.  "Ok," she whispered to herself, "ok, ok, ok… we got close… but we didn't… so things are still ok…" she caught sight of herself in the mirror, "Keep it together," she told herself, taking a deep breath, "Ritsuko was wrong… I can be close to him without wanting to fuck him every day – I can!"

Another deep breath seemed to sooth her racing heart.

"I won't use him like that," she told her reflection, "We're going to be ok…"

The sweat on her forehead, and the dampness on her thighs, whispered that she was a liar.

Continued…

Author's Notes:  Shinji tries desperately to understand Misato's complex needs, but when the next angel attacks, trapping him within its confines, how can he be expected to maintain the fragile bond between them?  And how can Misato cope with the pressure of nearly losing him?

Find out in the next chapter: Shaking Apart

Pre-read was done by LeperMessiah, who protected Rei from my horrible descriptive abilities.  Rei says "Thank you for saving me from that haircut, Leper-kun… aishiteru…"  ^_^

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	12. Week 12: Shaking Apart

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 12:  Shaking Apart

"Ok, what's the deal?"

Misato glanced over as Ritsuko materialized, seemingly out of nowhere, from one of the many side halls that defined NERV's depths.  "What deal?" she asked sardonically, "I told you that you can't have my car, Ritsu."

"You're hilarious," the blonde muttered, "no, I'm talking about _your_ deal – why the hell you've been so fucking skittish lately.  I told you I'd catch up when I had some more time."  She took a closer look at her friend.  "You look like shit."

"And you look like you just got ridden hard and put away wet," Misato shot back, "show some tact for God's sake – at least button your damn blouse!"

"I was checking on Unit 01!" Ritsuko said angrily, "Unlike you, I know how to be discrete."

"Oh I'm discrete," Misato grumbled, "You'd never know I had a secret."

"Yeah I would," the blonde sniped, "because you've been such a rancid bitch lately."  She gave the woman a sidelong glance, "Are you and Kaji-"

"Oh, fuck you," Misato cut in sharply, "and don't mention his name right now, ok?  I'm not in the mood."

"Hey!" Ritsuko grabbed the other woman's arm, lowering her voice.  "Look, I'm sorry I'm coming at you like this, but you're not the only one with problems, ok?  We're friends…" she looked down at Misato's arm, registering the hardened muscle under her fingers, "tell me what's eating you."

Misato frowned as the blonde pulled her hand back.  "Alright," she said shortly, "I'll tell you – it's about Shinji."

"Shinji?" Ritusko murmured, "Wait – he _has_ been kinda down lately… is this about that girl you said he's been dating?"

Misato only hesitated for a moment, the horrifying realization of how close she had come to just telling the truth flashing through her mind before she took the easy way out.  "Yeah, it's about her," she nodded, "I think she's been trying to keep things from going too far… but every time I see her, she looks a little more out of control."  She met the other woman's eyes.  "I'm afraid she's going to let it get out of hand, you know?  But I don't know how to stop her without hurting Shinji – because if I just _make_ it end between them, I don't think he'll understand…"

"Ahhh," Ritsuko nodded knowingly, "now I get it.  No wonder you've been all weird lately…" she folded her arms and leaned against the wall, "have you talked to Shinji about your concerns?  That would explain why he's been moping."

"N-no," Misato admitted, "I don't think he'll understand if I tell him, 'Hey the girl that you think is so great and nice looks like she's about ready to do you at any second.'"

"Maybe he wants to be done," Ritsuko shrugged, "he's old enough for that kind of thing.  Maybe they've done it already."

Misato paled.  "M-maybe… but you said he'd end up getting hurt…" she said hesitantly.

"Yeah," Ritsuko agreed, "I did – so since he wants to, and she wants to, and it's a really bad idea… you need to step in.  That's why you're his guardian."

"But wouldn't that hurt him?" Misato asked softly.  "If I convince her to stop seeing him, won't that hurt him?  And if they've already done it… a few times, what am I really preventing from happening?"

"It doesn't really matter how many times they've done it, you stepping in is the right thing to do," Ritsuko said firmly, "he'll see that some day – maybe not right away, but one day he'll figure out that you saved him from a bigger heartache.  And besides, you don't have to tell _him_ that you had a hand in it, just talk to her about it."

"Heartache," Misato sighed, rubbing her temples and wishing suddenly that she had explained the complexities of the situation a bit more fully, "headache is more like it."

"For you," the blonde snorted, "but it's your responsibility to make sure nothing bad happens to him – and from all you've told me, this girl is definitely bad… so you need to make sure she doesn't hurt him."  She put her hand on the other woman's shoulder.  "Look," she said quietly, "I can see that this is sounding like a monumental task, but it really isn't – just tell the girl that she needs to break up with Shinji before they get so deep that when they break it off themselves, it _really_ hurts."  She shrugged.  "If she's trying to be a good girl, like you said, she'll understand… and if she gets bent out of shape, well, then you have a good excuse to kick her ass."

"Yeah," Misato said weakly, "somehow I think that would be a little less than tactful."

"Fuck tactful," Ritsuko grinned, "if she gets _too_ stubborn, you just tell me and I'll have some Section Two agents lean on her."

"Oh you would not!" Misato rolled her eyes.

"No, I wouldn't," Ritusko admitted with a wink, "but you have to admit that the idea of a couple black-suits intimidating a teenager is pretty damn funny."

 "Right," Misato mumbled, "funny…"

"Loosen up," the blonde advised, pushing away from the wall and starting off down the hallway, "I'm telling you, this is not a big deal – just make her see your point of view, and it'll take care of itself."

The operations director nodded absently.  "Right…"

_God,_ she thought tiredly, _this would be so much easier if there WAS a teenage girl involved – then I could easily do just what Ritsuko's talking about… but now… damn it, I don't even know what's right!  If we go too much farther, someone's getting hurt – I know that, that's the way it always ends up.  But if I keep it like it is…_  She blinked as the hallway she was in was suddenly bathed in red light and klaxons began sounding.

"Great…"

**

Rei stood with her back against the mobile command unit, her eyes trained on the ground as the Second Child glanced out at the huge black shadow covering Tokyo-3.  _I do not believe I have seen her this enraged before,_ the blue-haired girl mused, _she is behaving as if Ikari chose to be entrapped by the angel deliberately – with the sole intent of preventing her from achieving the kill._

She frowned faintly as Asuka murmured, "Well I guess that's what he gets for disobeying orders… I mean really, trying to show _me_ how it ought to be done?  Serves him right."

The callous tone of the redhead's voice was too much for Rei to stand.

"What?" Asuka growled as the First abruptly straightened and turned towards her.  "Are my comments about little hero Shinji pissing you off, Wondergirl?"

"Tell me," Rei said quietly, "do you pilot EVA only for the praise you get from others?"

Asuka's upper lip pulled back from her teeth.  "I don't need anyone's approval but my own," she said coldly, putting her right hand on her chest for emphasis.  "I'm not like you two – I can think for myself."  She glanced at Misato out of the corner of her eye, waiting for the woman to break in. When she simply continued staring straight ahead, Asuka continued.  "I know you've got a thing for him," she said sarcastically, "and I'm sure you think that letting him cut your hair makes you two somehow 'close.'"

"I am not interested in a relationship with Ikari," Rei said as the other girl took a breath, "he-"

"Bullshit," Asuka cut in, dropping her voice to ensure that it would not carry, "I know he spent the night – and don't give me that 'we just talked all night,' crap, I saw how he was looking at you the next day."

Both girls glanced warily at Misato's back.

"You are… mistaken," Rei said slowly, a barely discernable blush on her pale cheeks, "we-"

"Just shut up," Asuka muttered, "you're a terrible liar."

Silence fell between the two as Misato abruptly turned and walked over to them.  "What are you talking about?" she asked flatly.

"Shinji," Asuka said boldly, "how he's insubordinate and careless – you have a problem with that?"

Misato's eyes held a hard glint as she leaned closer to the girl.  "You sure ran to try and save him…" she whispered.

"I didn't want him to die while he was number one," Asuka said levelly.  "I'm sure, if that happens, you guys will build him a shrine or somethi-"

Rei's eyes widened as the Second's head rocked back.

"You're disgusting," Misato said softly, her expression never changing as she brought her hand back to her side.  "If it was you in there, he would-"

"It wouldn't be me in there," Asuka cut in, pausing to wipe a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand, "because I wouldn't have done something stupid."  She lifted her chin defiantly as the older woman trembled with rage.  "Go ahead," she whispered, "hit me again if it'll make you feel better."

Misato took a deep breath, forcing her hands to unclench.  "Ritsuko should have a plan soon," she growled, turning away from the teens, "be ready."

"Fucking coward."

Rei looked from one woman to the other as Misato stood still.  _I do not believe that she will allow that to pass,_ she thought tensely, calculating in her mind, _I am twenty feet from the communications system, so I can reach it in approximately ten seconds… so, if necessary, a medical team could be here within four minutes._

Had it been in her character to sigh when she was relieved, the sight of Misato slowly walking away would have easily drawn the sound from her.  As it was, she simply relaxed her shoulders and turned her attention back to Asuka… finding the girl looking right at her.

"Like that?" Asuka asked, touching her cheek carefully as she assessed the blue-haired girl.  "There's your praise, Wondergirl."

Rei lowered her gaze.  "Seeing others in pain does not bring me happiness," she said quietly, turning away from the redhead, "I will… get you some ice…"

"Tell me something…"

Rei paused, glancing back over her shoulder.  "Yes?"

Asuka met her eyes.  "Was he gentle?"

The First Child's blush returned, and she reached up, slowly running her fingers first through her shortened hair… then down over her cheek and neck, finally coming to a stop on her collarbone.  She closed her eyes, knowing exactly how much was truly being asked as she gave the most evasive answer she could think of.

Asuka's laugh followed her all the way to the ice dispenser.

**

Misato sat at Shinji's bedside, watching him sleep with an expression of pained uncertainty on her face.  "That was too damn close…" she whispered, finally breaking the silence, "Ritsuko was about to order the drop, Shinji."

She took a calming breath, closing her eyes as she thought of the anger in the blonde's eyes.  _"You're out of line, Major!"_ she could hear Ritsuko screaming in her mind, one hand pressed to her cheek as she glared at her, _"I'm taking command of this operation effective immediately!  Damn it, Misato, I know you're worried about him but try to keep some fucking perspective!"_

"Perspective," she said hollowly, "how can I have perspective with everything that's going on??  Damn it – why can't this just be easy?!"

She leaned forward in her chair, touching his face hesitantly.  "I was so scared…" she whimpered, her hands shaking as they ran over his chest, "I never knew I needed you this much… so I think…"  She wet her lips.  "I think… I shouldn't be here when you wake up…"  She forced herself to smile.  "I don't know what might happen… or what I might say."

She leaned forward, kissing him softly on the lips.

"I need to figure things out, Shinji," she whispered, her smile falling away as she kissed him again, "I need to decide… what the next step is going to be – or if we need to take a step back."

Slowly, she rose to her feet, her mind already going over all possible scenarios… and always coming back to the same conclusion.

Continued…

Author's Notes:  What are Asuka's feelings for Shinji, and what does she plan to do about it?  And now that the breaking point has been reached, Misato makes her decision… what will be the final outcome?

Find out in the next chapter: Breaking Promises

LeperMessiah pre-read… and he's Kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	13. Week 13: Breaking Promises

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 13: Breaking Promises

Normally, when she drove alone, the stereo in Misato's Alpine was set to a hard rock station, the aggressive bass lines and harsh guitar riffs making her heartbeat accelerate almost as much as the pedal on the floor (always pushed all the way down for these drives) made the small blue vehicle accelerate.

Today, however, she had too much on her mind to think of speed or hard music.

_At least I didn't yank him into my room the minute he got home,_ she thought, taking a curve at a far more sedate pace than usual, _I managed to wait two whole days… I'm a fucking rock _She frowned, recalling the last time she had let herself go.

_"I had a good time tonight."_

_"Yeah, I did too.  Let's do something Friday, alright?"_

_"Sure…"_

_"What?  What's that look for?"_

_"I love you…"_

_"Ummm… yeah, ya see – here's the thing, Misato, I'm actually… God, how can I say this?  I'm not into all that.  I just thought we'd have some fun… ya know?"_

Had it really been only three months since she'd heard those words?

_At least he waited until my clothes were on… _she thought miserably, stopping for a traffic light and drumming her fingertips on the steering wheel as she thought of another, far-too-recent breakup.

_"Mmmm… damn, that was good…"_

_"Hey, Yuji…"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I was just thinking, ummm… remember… you said I could meet your parents?  I was thinking… I'm not doing anything this weekend."_

_"Oh yeah, that – look, babe, this was really fun, but… let's face it, huh?  You're just too wild for a guy like me to bring home."_

_"B-but… it was your idea!"_

_"Come on!  Like you didn't know that was just to get you in bed – and I didn't hear you complaining once we got there.  I'm gonna get some sleep… you know where the door is."_

"How long," she whispered, shaking herself as the driver behind her politely leaned on his horn to tell her the light was green, "how long before you decide that I'm not the kind of girl to bring home…?  Or that 'This was fun, but that's all'?"  She continued on her way.  "How long before you decide that I'm too old?  Or that you could do better?"  She pulled over, resting her forehead on the steering wheel.  "How long until you tell me that I'm the only one for you, and that you want me to be your wife?"

_"Hey, Katsuragi!"_

_"Oh, hi Kaji!  How'd you do on that midterm?"_

_"Smoked it, of course!  But I wanted to talk to you about something."_

_"Ummm… sure, ok."_

_"I was thinking that we've been kinda close lately… ya know?"_

_"Y-yeah?"_

_"And I was thinking… I kinda like that, so I was wondering, ummm… if you-"_

_"Kaji, I… I have to tell you something."_

_"What is it?"_

_"I'm seeing someone else…"_

Misato closed her eyes.

"How long until I do something stupid and get you hurt, Shinji?

She sighed, wiping her eyes and pulling away from the curb.  _Wouldn't it be better to just end it now?_ She thought reasonably, angling back into the flow of traffic.  _That way… I won't get hurt… he won't get hurt… and everyone goes away happy… right?_

Taking a deep breath, she headed for home, still undecided about what to do… but knowing that she would have decide something one way or the other as soon as she saw her boyfriend.

**

Shinji looked up from the small desk in his room as a soft knock sounded at his door.  "Come in," he called, glancing at the clock with a slight frown.

_It's still kinda early,_ he thought, setting his pencil on his incomplete homework, _Misato usually, no – always waits for Asuka to be asleep._  He blushed.  _And I think we've come close to waking her up a couple times – especially last week when Misato-_

"Hey."

"Asuka," Shinji blinked, "hi."

Looking over the redhead, Shinji decided that she seemed very different – even since their date.  _She looks… sadder,_ he thought, _no,_ he corrected, _not sad – miserable… no, that's still not right.  She LOOKED miserable… now she looks… just… I don't even know how to describe it…_

"I want to talk to you," Asuka said quietly.  "I _need_ to talk to you."

"Ummm… ok…" Shinji said uncertainly, rising to his feet and gesturing for the girl to sit down.  He waited until she took the seat.  "So," he said slowly, "what's up?"

"I'm tired of hating you," the redhead told him quietly, not bothering with small talk or evasiveness.  "It's taking too much out of me, Shinji – and I don't have that much left anymore."  She pursed her lips.  "Don't start thinking that you've beaten me, or that I'm giving up… but I'm tired, so – for now – we need to work something out."

Shinji nodded.  "Something like what?" he asked carefully, trying not to fall into shocked silence at the girl's straightforwardness.

"I'd call it a truce," Asuka shrugged, "but that sounds so… melodramatic.  So I think… an agreement would be a better term."  She met his eyes.  "These are the issues that require this agreement," she said softly, "we have to live together, and we have to go to school and work together… but avoiding each other isn't going to work – and don't try and pretend you haven't been avoiding me, because I know you have."

Averting his eyes, Shinji whispered, "I'm with you so far…"

"We can't be friends," Asuka told him levelly, "not right now, anyway."  She hesitated, seemingly on the verge of withholding some key piece of information, then pressed forward.  "We can't be friends because I think… I might hate you – really, really hate you.  Every time you get a better sync ratio, or have someone tell you you're doing well – it makes me angry, Shinji… and the only reason I can think of for that is hate."

"It… could just be jealousy…" Shinji offered, trying to sound helpful.

"Unlikely," the redhead returned flatly, "I _am_ better than you, so I have nothing to be jealous of, but the fact remains – friendship is out of the question until I can figure out if it _is_ hate, or something else I haven't considered yet.  So…" she waited until he looked back up at her face, "I propose that we consider ourselves working associates, and try our best not to get in each other's way.  Agreed?"

 Shinji thought about it for a moment, feeling mesmerized by the girl's fathomless blue eyes.  "I have a condition…" he said slowly.

"What is it?" Asuka replied, trying to keep her tone civil.

The boy took a deep breath.  "Even if you hate me," he said carefully, "I don't hate you… so I," he closed his eyes, "I reserve the right to think of you as a friend."

When he opened his eyes, Asuka was already on her feet and stepping past him.  "Think of me however you like," she said softly, "but don't think I'll be too friendly to you – and just so you know… I figured out about you and Misato."  She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes.  "So you can stop pretending now."

"How… how long have you known?" Shinji gasped.

Asuka slipped his door open.  "Three weeks," she said quietly, "and if you have to ask why I didn't say anything before, then you're stupider than I thought – and just so you know?  Neither one of you is very quiet… so it wasn't that hard to figure out."

Shinji shook himself, turning to face her as she stepped out.  "Thanks for… not telling anyone…" he said hesitantly.

Asuka shrugged, not looking back.  "It doesn't matter," she said softly, "the lifespan of a love affair like this is only so long, you know.  Sooner or later, one of you will figure out that humans aren't really capable of the emotion we call love."

"That's… cruel…" Shinji whispered unevenly.

"Call it whatever you want," the redhead replied, "just don't be surprised when it all falls apart, Third Child."  Shinji nodded as she continued towards the front door.  "I'm going for a walk," she announced coolly, "I need to figure some stuff out.  Goodbye, Shinji."

"Hey Asuka…?"

"What is it?"

Shinji straightened.  "I think you're wrong…" he said quietly, "about Misato, I mean.  I think that people can stay together if they work at it – it's not always like in the movies, where you start dating someone you like and it's instant happiness… but I think it can last if you let it, or I guess, if you work at it."  He smiled faintly.  "It's like us," he said, amused at the comparison, "even though… you might hate me, you're willing to work at it to make the best of it.  Relationships are like that – even love affairs."

Asuka pondered this for a minute as she slipped into her shoes.  "You… might be right," she admitted quietly, putting one hand on the door, "and you know what?  I almost hope that you are… but deep down…?"  She shook her head and slid the door open.

Shinji waited for her to finish her thought… but when she stepped out without another word, he realized that her slow head shake had been the last word on the subject.  "But we have to keep trying," he whispered to the empty room, "or why bother even starting relationships at all?"

With a sigh, he realized that there were no answers forthcoming.  Quietly, he headed into the living room and sat on the couch, smiling as he thought, _Misato will be home soon… and we're still together – so we must be doing something right._

He closed his eyes, still thinking of his girlfriend as he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

**

"Shinji… hey, Shinji – wake up."

The Third Child yawned, sitting up on the couch and giving her a sleepy smile as he rubbed his eyes.  "Oh, hey Misato – what's up?"

"Well, for one thing," the woman said, "where's Asuka?  Is she in her room?  I need to talk to you."

Shinji blinked.  "Asuka?" he repeated, blushing as he recalled the conversation he had with the girl, "No, she's not here, she went for a walk."

"Ok," Misato sighed.  "I need to talk to you about something," she said slowly, lacing her hands together in front of her to keep from fidgeting.  "It's important."

"S-sure," Shinji stammered, concerned by the serious tone of the woman's voice.  "What is it?"

Misato bit her bottom lip.  _Just do it,_ she thought firmly, _like taking a bandaid off – if you do it too slow, it'll hurt more._

"I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Shinji jerked to his feet, Asuka's warning slamming home in his mind.  "N-no…" he gasped.

"I've given it a lot of thought," Misato continued, trying to keep her voice level, "and I think… it's getting a little too intense between us, Shinji.  So, I think we need some space…"  She managed a smile, "I'm not saying we won't try again when things cool off, but right now it's just-"

"No," Shinji repeated, his mind kicking into overdrive, "we can… slow down – I won't push anymore, just… please… don't?"

"I'm sorry," Misato whispered, "Shinji, I'm so sorry…"

Shinji simply stared at the floor, his eyes wide and unseeing.

"Please look at me," Misato entreated, "please understand – I don't want it to be like this, but-"

"Then why?" Shinji blurted, his hands clenching at his sides.  "Why can't we just be together??"

Misato sighed.  "It's not… proper," she murmured, "things are so intense right now… and you're so much younger than me."

"Why does that matter?" the boy asked unevenly, "We were… we were doing so well… I thought."

"Shinji," the woman murmured gently, "you're a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to-"

"Don't!" Shinji cut in sharply.  "Don't tell me that it's just you… or that you need space… or that I'm a great guy, but we just don't work out together…" he shook his head, wiping his eyes with quick, jerky movements.  "Don't… lie to me, please!  Just tell me why…"

Misato's shoulders slumped.  "I… I can't," she whispered.  "Shinji, you have to understa-"

"_I don't!_"

She flinched as the boy screamed.  "Sh-Shinji, I-"

"Don't touch me!" he cried, stumbling back as she reached out to him.  "Just… just don't touch me!"  He stood with his back to the wall, panting in short, ragged breaths.  "I don't understand," he managed, still wiping at his eyes, "I don't, Misato!  I thought… I thought we were doing ok!  I thought we were having fun, and being close, and getting to know each other, and everything else that couples do."  He took a deep breath, trying to get hold of himself.  "I thought…" he whispered thickly, "that we were happy…"

"Shinji," Misato said unevenly, "I'm afraid… I'm afraid that if we stay together too long, and we keep… having sex – things are going to fall apart."  She steeled herself, squaring her shoulders and looking him in the eyes.  "It's happened too me too many times," she said defiantly, "things start out ok, get intense – then everything goes to Hell and I end up hurt."

"Oh," Shinji nodded, smiling bitterly, "I see now… this," he gestured between them, ignoring the tears now spilling freely down his face, "was just a little game to see how long you could keep things from going too far – to see if you could just fuck me for a while without feeling anything."  Misato flinched at the curse, completely unprepared to hear it from the boy… but Shinji was far from done.  "So," he said, straightening his back and clenching his fists at his sides, "to put it at plainly as possible – you thought, since I was nice, that you could keep me at arms length when we were going out, right?  That I'd be happy with kissing and sex, but that you could always pull back if it looked like I was getting too serious, and if _you_ ever got too serious… you could always just end it, well guess what?"

Misato swallowed the lump in her throat.  "What?" she whispered brokenly.

Shinji crossed the room in three quick strides, looking up into her face with a mixture of pity and pain.  "I was part of it too, Misato," he told her hoarsely, "if you had told me, on that first date, that you were afraid getting too close would mess things up… I would have understood.  I would never have asked for more than you gave me, Misato, because what you gave was more than I'd ever had."  He took a step back, wiping his eyes a final time as he turned away from her.  "I would have been happy just holding your hand, Misato…" he said sadly, "that's all I ever wanted."

"Wait!" she called as he started for the door, "Where… where are you going?"

Shinji shrugged.  "I don't know," he admitted, "probably go to Touji's for a couple days until I can work something else out… don't really know…"

"Shinji," Misato said hesitantly, "just because… this didn't work out – that doesn't mean you have to leave."  She stood with her hands clenched in front of her as the boy considered this.  _He wouldn't have been happy just holding hands, _she told herself as she waited for his reply, _he's just saying that – he's too young to know-_

"If you believe that," Shinji whispered, shaking his head slowly, "then you don't know me at all, Misato…"

"Don't go!" Shinji did not turn as the operations director cried out. "Shinji, please – don't leave like this, just… just stay here and we can work something out, please."

Shinji slipped his shoes on, still looking away as he replied dully, "What's there to work out, Misato?  I can't be what you want me to be, and I guess… you can't be what you want to be, so what good would it have to keep me here?"

"I could… try again," Misato said uncertainly, "I'd be willing to-"

"See?" Shinji cut in softly, finally turning to face her as the front door slid open, "It's always you, Misato… never we, or us."  He sighed, wondering why he was no longer angry… wishing he _could_ be angry so that he would not have to feel so hollow.  "In your mind… it was never 'us.'"

"Don't leave me alone…" Misato whispered, suddenly terrified as the boy stepped through the door.  "Please… I – _we_ – can try again, Shinji… please?"

She waited tensely as Shinji stood in silence, his head bowed and one hand on the doorframe.  A small sob escaped her as he whispered, "I think it would be easier if I come back for my stuff when you're on duty, Misato… I'll see you at NERV, I guess."

She opened her mouth to call out to him again, but before she could speak… the door slid shut, leaving her in silence.

To be concluded…

Author's Notes:  Can you bring back what has flown?  Can you mend what has been shattered?  Can you change who you are, if you know that it may save a life?  …can you unbreak a heart?

Find out in the final chapter of Lifespan of a Love Affair:  Crying Aloud

LeperMessiah pre-read, and that's good because otherwise… no one would really know why Misato broke up with Shinji… so thanks.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	14. Week 14: Crying Aloud

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Lifespan of a Love Affair.

By Random1377

Week 14: Crying Aloud

"I'm here… because…" Gendou barely contained a smirk as his son raised his head, defiance all over his face as he finished, "I'm the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01 – _Shinji Ikari!!_"

"I see," the Commander replied levelly.

So much had happened over the last week.  In his mind, he could still hear the Third Child screaming at him, demanding that he stop the dummy plug system as it rent the angel-possessed Unit 03 to pieces.  _Where was that strength when you needed to fight,_ he thought with some amusement, _where was this strength you're showing me now?_

"Eject the entry plug."

Shinji's hands clenched at his sides as Unit 01's head tilted forward, the entry plug spiraling out with a soft hum.  _I promised I would never pilot again,_ he thought tiredly, the rage of his exterior concealing the depth of his sadness within, _Touji's leg is… gone – just gone.  I could have stopped that from happening if I'd fought.  I could have found a way to get him out, but I was too much of a coward.  And… and he didn't even tell me – I stayed with him a whole week and he never even told me…_

Gendou watched closely as the boy shook his head as if to clear it, then dashed to the waiting hatch on Unit 01.  "The angel is nearing Central Dogma," he said coolly, "there is no clear route between here and there."

"It doesn't matter," Shinji said flatly, "I'll get there."

The Commander nodded.  "Insert the plug," he ordered, "synchronize immediately – there is no time for safety procedures."

"Understood."

As the plug spun in, Shinji took a deep breath.  _Misato was injured,_ he thought distantly, trying to separate himself from his feelings as Rei taught him that night he stayed with her.  _I should have seen her… but I was so angry for her not telling me about Touji.  I'll protect her,_ he thought firmly as the plug began filling with LCL, _I'll protect her and then… and then… I'll leave.  _His shoulders slumped as he inhaled the amber fluid, for once barely noticing the taste.

He stared straight ahead as the plug's walls flashed through the colors of the rainbow.

"Or maybe," he whispered softly, "the angel will kill me."

 "Unit 01."

"Yes sir."

His father's voice was as cold as ever.  "Lift off."

Shinji nodded.  "Yes sir."

Pushing the dark thoughts aside, Shinji allowed himself one brief second to reflect.

_"Do you want to go out with me, Shinji?  Kinda… see what happens?"_

_"There… guess now you're my boyfriend."_

Bits and fragments came to him as he drew in another breath, and he tried to hold them – to let them lift him… but the tighter he held, the more they slipped through his fingers.

_"It's no big deal, Shinji, it's not like I'm your… mother or anything."_

_"I'm sorry… Shinji, I'm so sorry…"_

"Evangelion Unit 01," he called.

_"I'm sorry…"_

"Lift off!!"

_"I'm so sorry."_

Shinji thrust forward on the control yokes as the distance he had been trying to summon flooded his mind and heart.  Due to the consistency of the LCL all around him, the tears never even fell from his eyes… they simply dissipated into the electrolyzed fluid as if they had never been – vanishing without a trace, like the love affair he thought would save him from loneliness and pain.

_I'm sorry too… _he thought. He clenched his teeth as Unit 01 smashed its way through one of the four walls separating him from Central Dogma.  _I thought we could make anything work…_ another wall crumbled before the giant machine.  _I thought we could be happy together… _the third wall fell, leaving only one between him and the bridge.  _I thought no matter what happened, I would protect you… and you would protect me…_  the last wall was before him, all of Unit 01's sensors going wild as they reported a large energy source on the other side, growing in intensity.

"I thought…" Shinji whispered, drawing his mecha's right fist back, "that you cared…"

At seven twenty six on a balmy Thursday evening, Shinji Ikari willed Unit 01 into motion, swinging its gargantuan fist through the last wall and into the invading angel's jaw… all the while keeping himself from feeling the terrible, icy chill of loneliness within him.  There was no point in feeling sad… no point in feeling angry… no point in feeling anything.

Screaming as he forced the angel back through the breach in the wall, Shinji's last rational thought before battle rage consumed him was this: the lifespan of a love affair must be indefinite… because in spite of all that she had said and done to push him away, she was still the only person he thought of when the word 'companion' was mentioned.

And she was only person he thought of when Unit 01 went berserk and consumed him.

**

Silence.  All-powerful, unbroken silence… filling in every crevice in the EVA cages, where not 24 hours before, chaos reigned.  Footsteps echoed across the void, disturbing the stillness in the harshest manner possible and drawing the attention of the sole occupant of the observation catwalk.

"Hello, Katsuragi," Kaji whispered, keeping his voice low as if to preserve the hush all around.  "I thought I might find you here."

Misato turned away from Evangelion Unit 01, revealing the dark circles under her eyes as she gave him a cursory, listless glance.  "Kaji," she replied coolly, turning back to face the mecha.  "Well," she murmured, "I guess you must be happy… the competition is gone, and-"

"I'm not here to gloat," Kaji cut in quietly, "in fact… I just came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" Misato said sharply, spinning to face the man.  "Where…?  Why?"

"Not sure," Kaji shrugged.  "But after what happened to him," he nodded to the bandaged form of Unit 01, "I realized… I can't do this anymore."

"Oh so that's it huh?" the woman snapped, "You came to say, 'Hey, it's been fun, but now that things are _real_, I'm outta here.' You dick!"

Kaji shook his head in wonder.  "You are so full of shit," he mused, "if I _remember_ correctly, it was you that didn't have the guts to tell Shinji that his fucking _best friend_ was about to be made pilot – so who's the one that ran, Katsuragi?  You wanna know the reason I'm leaving?  Huh??  _Fine!_"  He folded his arms over his chest, staring at the woman as if looking at something that disgusted him.  "I talked to Shinji."

"What?" Misato gasped, "When did-"

"When he was about to leave," Kaji cut in coldly, "when he was standing on the train stop, crying and alone."  He leveled a finger at the woman.  "I was going to go water those stupid melons I've been growing," he told her, "but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to see where he was – so I went looking for him."

"What, ummm… what did he say?" Misato asked timidly.

"Oh, he told me all about you and him," Kaji said dryly, "how you kept pushing things further and further, then backing off… how you finally broke down and told him about us… how you used him, got as close as you could, then dropped him like he was a roach you found crawling around in your cupboards… and how he _still_ couldn't keep from falling for you."

Misato put a hand on the railing to support herself as the world went gray around her.  "He… he said he loved me?"

"No," Kaji replied, his lips threatening to quirk up into a derisive smile, "he said he was falling for you – I don't think he knows what it's like to be loved… and you sure didn't show him."

Misato flinched.  "That's not fair."

"Fuck fair," the man replied flatly.  "You don't know the meaning of the word."

"What… what happened then?" she asked… already knowing the reply.

"Then the angel attacked," Kaji whispered intensely, "and I told him, 'You need to go fight – for her, if you won't do it for everyone else.  Don't make others suffer for your personal pain.'"  He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked up into Unit 01's brooding, half-concealed face.  "So when it comes right down to it," he said slowly, "I called him a coward… used his love for you to manipulate him… and sent him to his grave – and the whole time I was talking to him, I had my arm around his shoulders, treating him like he was my goddamn son."

Misato could not speak.  Never, in her entire life, had she ever heard such an outpouring of pain and self-loathing.

"So," Kaji said briskly, turning away from the purple robot and giving the Major an ironic smile, "there you have it.  I did what I had to do, I protected my country – and my species – and I killed the nicest, most vulnerable kid _in_ my species by using his love as a weapon…" he shook his head.  "I've done more damage in three minutes than some people have in a lifetime, Katsuragi… and I'm… done."

"He'll… come back," Misato said unevenly.  "Ritsuko said-"

"They tried it once before," Kaji cut in flatly, "with the first pilot."  He turned away from her.  "He's not coming back, Misato."

"You fucking bastard."

Kaji turned back, blinking at the cool, collected tone in the woman's voice.

"You're a bastard," Misato said calmly, rising to her full height and staring him down.  "If everyone gave up on him, he'd never make it back…" she lowered her voice to a whisper, her body shaking with rage.  "You should be ashamed of yourself.  You say you're leaving because you killed him?  You're killing him because you're leaving – and I hope you burn in Hell for it!"

Kaji blew out a gusty breath.  "Well," he said lightly, "think that if you like… but I can't be here."

"I wish Asuka was seeing this," Misato said suddenly, "she always went on and on about how cowardly Shinji was… but I think it would be a real eye-opener to see a genuine coward running away with his tail between his legs."  She raised a hand as the man opened his mouth.  "Save it," she said coolly, "goodbye, Ryouji."

Kaji nodded.  "Goodbye, Misato."

She watched as the man walked away, and then turned her attention back to Unit 01.  "Alone at last, huh?" she said softly, looking up at the mammoth machine.  "Well, I don't care what he says… I believe in you, Shinji.  I believe that you'll come back, and when that happens, I have some things I need to say to you."  She took a deep breath.  "I'll say them now," she sighed, "because I think, when you get back, I'm going to be saying them a lot, so I'll need the practice."

Slowly, she straightened her back, putting her arms at her sides and bowing formally.  "Shinji," she began quietly, "I want to apologize for the way I treated you, and for behaving like a scared, spoiled little girl.  I want to try again, because I know that we can be good together."  She straightened, but kept her back stiff.  "When you get back," she said quietly, emphasizing the word 'when,' "I want you to live with me again, and I won't take no for an answer.  I've agreed with Asuka's request to have some time for herself and made arrangements for her to live with her friend Hikari for a while, so it will just be you, me, and PenPen at first," she managed a smile.  "And I don't think PenPen will mind the extra company."  Her smile fell away as she lowered her head, staring at her feet as she concluded, simply, "Come back to me, Shinji… I need you."

She left the cages and returned to her apartment to wait… and wait… and wait, trying to keep hope alive as minutes rolled into hours and hours rolled into days and days rolled into weeks.  And as she waited, she dreamed of the day Shinji would come back to her, her throat aching with all the words she wanted to say… her heart aching with all the things she wanted to feel.

In silence, Misato waited…

The End

Author's notes:  Yes, that's the end.  The original ending was, 'Five months later, she was still waiting…' but I thought that was a little too definite… a little too sad.  Will she see Shinji again?  I don't know… in the show, Shinji convinced himself that life was worth living, but in here, well, he might have a different view, so for now, I leave it to your imagination.  And besides – this story was started under the heading, 'A dark romance,' so you can't honestly have expected that everything would come up roses…

Technical notes:  This story was started on February 26, 2003, and completed (except for pre-reading) on April 21, 2003.  It weighs in at approximately 34,500 words comprising about 93 pages, according to MSWord.  This total includes all disclaimers, titles, and notes.  For anyone that's interested in that kind of stuff.  *shrug*  This total does NOT include the alternate lemon epilogue, because, well… it's an **_alternate_**.  Duh.  :P

Pre-read on this week was by LeperMessiah, who felt the need to scream,  \m/ "Sllllaaaaaayyyyyeeerrrrr!!!!"  \m/ Don't ask me why.  *shrug*

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


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